Apr. 21st, 2016

naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
At this point the struggles to get adequate treatment are severely interfering with my ability to benefit from that treatment. If it weren't for the fact that I can't sleep without the Seroquel, I'd say it's not worth it at all.

I went to go see about the results of the genetic test today. First, I waited for over an hour and a half because the fucking staff and the fucking doctor forgot about me. Next, they didn't even have the goddamn test results. So I wound up talking about the potential test results and their potential usefulness with the guy, who was . . . trying, I guess. But he seemed pretty . . . I don't know. Condescending and dismissive, but in a way that I find it hard to explain so that it sounds legitimate. He wasn’t very responsive, either. I just don’t think we’re a good match at all.

Part of me wants to say maybe it’s the enormous goddamn chip on my shoulder. Another part of me is like "No, you didn't make that up, and the chip on your shoulder is there for a goddamn reason."

So I have another appointment in two weeks for I don't know what, and when they find the fucking test results the doctor is going to call me and we'll discuss a plan. I'm inclined to skip the call and just go to the appointment. Hearing issues make phone calls unpleasant for me. But that leaves me with two weeks of nothing.

I should be used to being put off by now.

The therapist I'm supposed to be seeing runs the clinic. I just have to make an appointment to go see her.

The appointments I keep having to make are keeping me awake. Keeping me from getting my sleep schedule brought back around. And when they are fucking pointless bullshit they just make everything worse.

I HATE THIS.

I want to quit so badly. I just want to fucking quit.

I’ll deal with being sick. I just want to be left alone.

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naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
naamah_darling

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