Oct. 12th, 2016

naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
The surgeon and her office staff have been nothing but astonishingly friendly, patient, helpful, and kind.  And responsive.  I get answers to my questions in what feels like no time at all.  (Same day, usually within an hour, often immediately, and not after days and days.)

A shocking change of pace from the halfassed bullshittery I've endured from the cheapass poor-people-and-addicts general practice clinic I had been using before just switching all my shit over to the family clinic associated with my local Planned Parenthood.  (I have yet to see how useful that one is.  Probably not very, although they will at least treat me personally with respect, and they were kind enough to refer me to this surgeon.)

I'm honestly amazed I am being treated this well.  I'm part of an underclass, and with every layer you add, it only gets worse.  AFAB, LGBT, mentally ill/disabled, poor, fat....  All of those are things shitty professionals can and will latch on to so they can justify their shitty behavior.  So being treated with actual respect has become surprising.  That is very sad.  And not my fault, though sometimes it really, really feels like it is.

We'll see if this level of respect extends to the hospital, I guess, which is one I've had traumatizing experiences in, but that was many, many years ago.  I'm still anticipating having to fight to keep them from assaulting me, but I'm aware that's most likely uncharitable and at least I'm only going to be there overnight.

It says a lot, though, that the only thing that would make me feel totally safe is bringing a weapon with me, and/or preventively physically attacking someone so they know not to fuck with me.  Like, on some visceral level, I want that.  I never would do it, and besides that it wouldn't work even if I did, and I'm aware that just the desire is unbalanced and unhealthy.  But you know what?  I didn't sign up for whatever discount version of PTSD this is, so I refuse to feel guilty for my thoughts.  I'm working on it in therapy, but that takes time, and I'm under no obligation to anyone else to rush that process.

(YOOOOO how about no stories about how y'all were mistreated by medical professionals!  I love you all!  But right now I don't need that sort of thing buzzing in my head.)


naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)

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