naamah_darling: The Punisher skull with a red ribbon barrette. (Punisher Ribbon)
[personal profile] naamah_darling
This happened just before he ran away to have his Not-So-Incredible Journey.

I'm alone playing Borderlands 2 (awesome, btw) and I hear this very quiet, tiny little "crinkle crinkle" sound and think, "Great, one of my dumbass mammals has found a plastic bag and is licking it, and it's only going to get worse. Now I have to go take it away." Only it sounds wrong, and it's coming from too high up in the kitchen.

Etrigan, I realize, is on the counter again.

So I sneak out of my chair. I move like the night, soundless. I approach the kitchen.

Etrigan comes panther-walking out with AN ENTIRE WRAPPED TWINKIE in his mouth. He was holding it in the middle, like a dog with a bone. He must have gotten it from the closed up box that was on the counter, and I would not have heard it at all if it weren't for the crinkling plastic wrapper.

Now, it is fucking adorable, but he is still a slinking little Twinkie thief, so I turn on the STARE OF DISAPPROVAL.

He sees me and his eyes get the size of half-dollar coins and the Twinkie drops to the carpet with a crinkly *thump*. It was a cartoon moment. Then he ran like his ass was on fire and his head was catching, and I was laughing so fucking hard I literally could not follow him.

So I sat down. With the Twinkie. And I waited.

He realized very quickly I wasn't going to swat him; he knows I'm not mad when I laugh. So he comes out like nothing happened, and I called him over, and I got down in front of him and I ate the entire thing right in front of his face.

He watched the whole time with this 'I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAND IT WAS MIIIIINE WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" look on his face.

And then I let him sniff the spot where I set the Twinkie down while I had a drink of root beer.

Satisfying.

ANYWAY.

Etrigan went to the vet today to be checked over and get a feline leukemia shot just in case, but he's completely unscathed, aside from being a little clingy. And by "clingy" I mean "less revolted by contact that he does not initiate." And apparently he cried a lot more than usual on the way to the vet.

He has snuggled with both of us since his Great Escape, and he is obviously glad to be home. I just hope he's smart enough not to do it again. Ever. Because that sucked.

Thank you, everyone, for the kind comments and the support. I wasn't replying, I was in bed feeling like my head had been run over by a truck, but I very much appreciate it. I am sure all the good vibes helped him find his stupid way home.

He is playing fetch with Best Mouse right now, as happy as he has ever been. Like nothing happened. He is such an asshole. I love him so much.

Date: 2012-10-16 06:03 pm (UTC)
coyotegoth: (Default)
From: [personal profile] coyotegoth
All hail Etrigan, thief of Twinkies :)

Date: 2012-10-16 11:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flameelf.livejournal.com
I wish there were photos of the Great Black Panther with his Twinkie-prey!

You're a stronger person than I am...I would have likely let him have a small bite of the cake portion. *laughs*

Gala used to rip through bakery bags to try to get at donuts! However, it was Dione who I discovered munching into my 'Big Donut' yeast donut (it's the size of a dinner plate, but since it's more donut versus less sugar, it's actually healthier. And can feed SIX!)

Grey :)

Date: 2012-10-16 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flameelf.livejournal.com
You know, there's likely a video game/graphic novel in there, somewhere: Etrigan, Prince of Twinkie Thieves!

I'm imagining that Prince of Persia video game...with a black cat and a twinkie!

G ;)

Date: 2012-10-16 11:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onlyonechoice.livejournal.com
*laughs* Oh, what an image to take with me to work. Pets make our lives so interesting sometimes. Kisses to little E!

Date: 2012-10-16 12:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] diatryma.livejournal.com
Patina gets into the bread. Constantly. Within five minutes if it's exposed anywhere. She begs for crackers and cookies-- I have the only cat in the world who will run across the house for an Oreo.

And your story is absolutely hilarious. Etrigan is such a weird, narrative cat.

Date: 2012-10-17 09:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-peitho.livejournal.com
I have a cat who ate his way through plastic wrap to get to the top of a chocolate cake. He ate about a pound of frosting and cake. He was fine.

Date: 2012-10-18 12:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naamah-darling.livejournal.com
Holy crap! :O

Smooch once ate about a quarter cup -- we think -- of this corn dip stuff a friend made. I mean, it was tasty, but damn, cat, what the hell?

Date: 2012-10-18 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-peitho.livejournal.com
I called the vet asking about the lethal amount of chocolate for a cat. Answer: 10 ounces. Well, there were a total of nine tablespoons in the entire cake plus frosting, so I guess he'll be ok... But how would I tell if he's not? Answer: hyperactivity and vomiting. What? How am I supposed to distinguish that from normal cat-crazies and overeating? ... I ended up locking him in the bathroom for an hour. When I let him out, he took a nap. ... never mind...

Date: 2012-10-18 05:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naamah-darling.livejournal.com
And the lethal amount varies depending on how pure it is and what it's cut with. But seriously, cats tearass around and barf unpredictably ANYHOW, so . . . I guess I'd be looking for EVEN MORE tearassing and barfing?

Date: 2012-10-16 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] journalfag.livejournal.com
Well I hope you've learned your lesson, bald monkey! Pay no attention to the fact that punishment backfired and remember this the next time you steal hard won twinkies and mockingly eat them!

Date: 2012-10-16 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] czarina69.livejournal.com
I really love this story. Especially the part about you eating the twinkie in front of him.

Date: 2012-10-16 04:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dark-phoenix54.livejournal.com
Hahaha! You're mean to your cat, eating his catch right in front of him! How very karmic for him.

Date: 2012-10-16 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelheide.livejournal.com
I'm glad the little Twinkie thief is home, safe and sound.

Date: 2012-10-16 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonet2.livejournal.com
I caught Siegfried on the kitchen counter once, butter in his whiskers, butter on his nose, butter on his chin.*

Trying to look 'cute' and 'I'm so innocent.'

He pushed aside a squirt bottle to get to it. Dammit.

Poor Etrigan didn't get to taste his goodie, but it probably wasn't as good for him as butter would be.

*We have a covered butter dish, but people are not always very regular about covering it up again. Siggie has laos just taken a giant BITE out of the middle of a stick on occasion, one can see the bite mark.

Date: 2012-10-16 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladybugpurple.livejournal.com
I'm glad everything turned out fine!! <3

Date: 2012-10-17 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cest4chans.livejournal.com
Omg, I started laughing so hard when I got to the point about you eating the twinkie in front of him that I was getting odd looks from both my husband and my cat. :)

I'm so glad that he made it home to his people and has more chances to be sneakier in his twinkie thieving.

Date: 2012-10-17 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-peitho.livejournal.com
Thank you for the Twinkie advice. I have five little monsters ruling my house (and pissing on my stove), and this just might be some revenge.

Date: 2012-10-17 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naamah-darling.livejournal.com
STOVE?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOOOVE?! Sweet Jesus, that's awful.

Date: 2012-10-18 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-peitho.livejournal.com
Oh, the best was this last weekend. Whichever bugger it was pissing on the stove also hit the brand new Keurig coffee maker that my husband bought for his girlfriend to use when she comes over.

Date: 2012-10-18 05:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naamah-darling.livejournal.com
Oh holy fuck. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, gag, or pass you the white vinegar and baking soda and help you clean that shit up.

Date: 2012-10-18 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-peitho.livejournal.com
I mentioned that this was the Universe confirming my opinion of the taste of coffee - burnt gym socks comes to mind. ( I love how it smells, but...)

We keep vinegar by the gallon in our house for all kinds of cat related reasons.

Date: 2012-10-21 07:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cissa.livejournal.com
Weirdo. (Him, not you!)

One time our Mel made good his escape- we figure he launched himself at a moth and the screen fell out. Anyway, we were worried sick, and frantic, and kept calling for him at ALL hours and looking for him, and made posters...

he returned home- AT the window he'd fallen out of- 3 days later, scrawny and hungry and exhausted and dirty. We fed him and gave him a flea bath. He PURRED hugely, ate voraciously, slept for 24 hours... then tried to get out AGAIN.

Idiot beast.

Date: 2012-10-21 07:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naamah-darling.livejournal.com
Now that he has had a taste of the Great Outdoors, Etrigan wants to go ouuuuut again. He's forgotten, evidently, that it SUCKS OUT THERE. WHERE WATER COMES FROM THE SKY.

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