naamah_darling: Sepia picture of Heath Ledger from A Knight's Tale with the words "I Miss You." (Heath Miss You)
[personal profile] naamah_darling
Tazendra. The Mocus. Stinker. Pantaloons. Circus Ape. Gorilla Lips. The Creature Known As "the Mocator."

I lost her two years ago last night, and it's still like hitting that missing stair on the way down every single time.

Long before she died, I made the decision to have her bones professionally cleaned and prepared, and I made the arrangements with Skulls Unlimited some time in advance. They did a good job.

It wasn't a decision I came to lightly. I'm not a stranger to pet loss. I've had something like 25 cats in my life, and all but four of those are gone now. The one unifying thread of regret is that I have nothing of any of them but pictures. I didn't want that to be the case with her.

Now I have her bones in a box near where I sleep, where I can reach her, and that's comforting.

I've meant to get some good photographs of her for a while now, and yesterday seemed a good time. I think the results came out well, and I'm willing to let them stand for the time being as final portraits. I'm aware some people find it disturbing, which I do understand, so the squeamish among you may want to turn aside. No hard feelings.

In the meantime, a picture of her with her fur on:

Tazendra Sepia 01



Tazendra 01

Tazendra 08

Tazendra 07

Tazendra 06

Tazendra 02

Tazendra 03

Tazendra 04

Tazendra 05

The people who worked on her commented that she had beautiful bones, very clean, with no hint of arthritis, and looking at them, I can see that it's true. That came as a relief. Cats are so stoic. I'd been afraid that she was hiding some sort of pain. She wasn't, apparently. She lived happy, she was never in discomfort or pain. She went fast, and without warning, and there was no slow decline. It was as good as such things can be, and it was more or less what I would have wanted for her, if one can be said to want such a thing at all.

All cats have lovely skulls -- big cats and small, feline skulls are my favorite hands-down -- but hers is especially pretty. I have three or four others and there's no comparison. I'll take comparison pictures someday, but not today.

I am struck by the texturing around her eyes and on the sides of the brain case, in contrast to how smooth the bone is on her forehead and nose. Those are things you see in older animals, so it's not surprising, but it is beautiful. Her nose is surprisingly broad, though. Not surprising, either, since you can see even in the pictures of her alive that her muzzle was pretty wide, especially for a petite girl kitty.

I do love that first pic of her in my hands. It makes me happy.

But, really, this is how I remember her best:

Dey Had Teef Like Dif

I have never stopped laughing like a dumbass over that picture, and a 9x12 copy of it sits next to her box. She was beautiful, in her cockeyed goblin way, but she was also a ridiculous moldy pajama bag of a cat with a heart brim-full of loathing for all living beings save myself. She was consistently one of the best and most hilarious things in my life.

I've had a couple of people ask, over the past two years, but yes, those of you who see me IRL are welcome to visit her wee little bones anytime. I don't mind at all.

Anyway, questions welcome, if you have them. It's not a subject I'm touchy about at all, so it won't bother me.

Thank you, by the way. You guys have been lovely about it since she went, and I appreciate all the sympathy more than I can say.

I can honestly say, all of the other cats I've had were, in comparison to her, "just cats." She was something else entirely.
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naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
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