naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (You Fool!)
Know how when the villain, evil Jovian overlord Jorvash the Unbearable, finally has Ranger Lash Blackstar in his evil clutches, and he cackles madly and says "Foolish mortal Earthling! You have but one choice! Kneel to me or die!"

And Lash Blackstar says "Technically, you twisted troglodyte, one choice is not a choice!"

"Very well Blackstar, you nit-picking do-gooder," the Jovian dictator booms. "You may kneel to me, or you may watch my cyber-enhanced Plutonian robo-dingos ravish your buxom Venusian girlfriend, Imraldina 'Blondie' Blaze, former librarian and present-day porno-pop princess, or you may be plunged into a spike-lined vat of incredibly toxic, flaming acid full of Titanian corpse-eels! Your choice, Earth Ranger!" Followed, of course, by an evil cackle.

And then Lash falls to his knees in mock surrender and just waits for Jorvash to come and gloat close enough for Lash to ram his head, full-force, right into his crotch, knocking Jorvash over and somehow kicking Jorvash's ultrabeam energy pistol, capable of vaporizing a Jovian grixat with a single press of the firing stud, right into the waiting hands of the beautiful Imraldina Blaze, who has managed to telepathically convince one of the corpse-eels to crawl out of its spike-lined vat of incredibly toxic, flaming acid and chew through the diamond-hard bands imprisoning her at dainty wrist, heaving bosom, and dimpled knee.

Then Imraldina 'Blondie' Blaze, Venusian librarian and brothel bandleader, trains the lethal weapon on Jorvash and says "You never should have tried to check yourself out of the Mercury Penal Pens, you villainous betrayer! And don't think I'll hesitate before I check you back in there as a disembodied head, either!"

And Lash climbs heroically to his feet to stand over the fallen tyrant and says something pithy like "Justice is long overdue."

Isn't that great?

Oh, no. Wait. That's not the point I wanted to make.

I wanted to say that a choice between two things, or even fifty, that suck equally is not really any sort of choice at all, and that I've been in that position for years. Suddenly, someone has just kicked me an ultrabeam energy pistol and I have no idea what to do with it.

I never had room to choose any part of my future before.

I've gotten a small advance on the value of my grandparents' estate. I now have a tidy sum sitting in my bank account with more coming, and Sargon and I have entered the very first phase of deciding what we're going to do with it. You know, the talking and worrying phase, before anything actually gets done.

Things are suddenly confusing. Things are going to change. Money does that to your life. Suddenly I have the money to fix things I could never fix before and do things I couldn't do before. It was easier when I just flat didn't have the means, because then I didn't have to worry. But now I can do things like remodel the downstairs den, fix the door, the brick façade, the fence, the floors . . . and now I have to worry.

Scares me.

Scares me even more thinking what I'm going to do with the rest. Fixing the house up will only take a small part of the money once everything from the estate comes in. I have to decide how to distribute the rest. I'm making choices that will affect me for the rest of my life. Before, there wasn't anything to choose from.

But this . . . suddenly I have the freedom to do all these things that I could never do before. I could invest it in any number of ways, buy a new house, remodel this one, go back to school part-time, kick-start a business. We're leaning toward the first two, but I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm desperately afraid I'll screw up and choose badly. The trouble with having a wider horizon is that it's so much easier to feel lost.

I paid off the last of the old debts we had lingering on our credit report last week. A piddling amount compared to most Americans' debts, but now we're free of it. It's a tiny step, but it's a very grown up one.

But it doesn't feel good at all to know that all this money, the ability to do all these grown-up things, is coming from the liquidation of the best part of my childhood.

I'm not saying I'd prefer deathtraps or anything. I'm just saying.

Edit: Guys? I love you. But. I'm not asking for financial advice -- my dad's an accountant. And no, I'm not moving out of state. I have three words for you: Cost Of Living.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (You Fool!)
Know how when the villain, evil Jovian overlord Jorvash the Unbearable, finally has Ranger Lash Blackstar in his evil clutches, and he cackles madly and says "Foolish mortal Earthling! You have but one choice! Kneel to me or die!"

And Lash Blackstar says "Technically, you twisted troglodyte, one choice is not a choice!"

"Very well Blackstar, you nit-picking do-gooder," the Jovian dictator booms. "You may kneel to me, or you may watch my cyber-enhanced Plutonian robo-dingos ravish your buxom Venusian girlfriend, Imraldina 'Blondie' Blaze, former librarian and present-day porno-pop princess, or you may be plunged into a spike-lined vat of incredibly toxic, flaming acid full of Titanian corpse-eels! Your choice, Earth Ranger!" Followed, of course, by an evil cackle.

And then Lash falls to his knees in mock surrender and just waits for Jorvash to come and gloat close enough for Lash to ram his head, full-force, right into his crotch, knocking Jorvash over and somehow kicking Jorvash's ultrabeam energy pistol, capable of vaporizing a Jovian grixat with a single press of the firing stud, right into the waiting hands of the beautiful Imraldina Blaze, who has managed to telepathically convince one of the corpse-eels to crawl out of its spike-lined vat of incredibly toxic, flaming acid and chew through the diamond-hard bands imprisoning her at dainty wrist, heaving bosom, and dimpled knee.

Then Imraldina 'Blondie' Blaze, Venusian librarian and brothel bandleader, trains the lethal weapon on Jorvash and says "You never should have tried to check yourself out of the Mercury Penal Pens, you villainous betrayer! And don't think I'll hesitate before I check you back in there as a disembodied head, either!"

And Lash climbs heroically to his feet to stand over the fallen tyrant and says something pithy like "Justice is long overdue."

Isn't that great?

Oh, no. Wait. That's not the point I wanted to make.

I wanted to say that a choice between two things, or even fifty, that suck equally is not really any sort of choice at all, and that I've been in that position for years. Suddenly, someone has just kicked me an ultrabeam energy pistol and I have no idea what to do with it.

I never had room to choose any part of my future before.

I've gotten a small advance on the value of my grandparents' estate. I now have a tidy sum sitting in my bank account with more coming, and Sargon and I have entered the very first phase of deciding what we're going to do with it. You know, the talking and worrying phase, before anything actually gets done.

Things are suddenly confusing. Things are going to change. Money does that to your life. Suddenly I have the money to fix things I could never fix before and do things I couldn't do before. It was easier when I just flat didn't have the means, because then I didn't have to worry. But now I can do things like remodel the downstairs den, fix the door, the brick façade, the fence, the floors . . . and now I have to worry.

Scares me.

Scares me even more thinking what I'm going to do with the rest. Fixing the house up will only take a small part of the money once everything from the estate comes in. I have to decide how to distribute the rest. I'm making choices that will affect me for the rest of my life. Before, there wasn't anything to choose from.

But this . . . suddenly I have the freedom to do all these things that I could never do before. I could invest it in any number of ways, buy a new house, remodel this one, go back to school part-time, kick-start a business. We're leaning toward the first two, but I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm desperately afraid I'll screw up and choose badly. The trouble with having a wider horizon is that it's so much easier to feel lost.

I paid off the last of the old debts we had lingering on our credit report last week. A piddling amount compared to most Americans' debts, but now we're free of it. It's a tiny step, but it's a very grown up one.

But it doesn't feel good at all to know that all this money, the ability to do all these grown-up things, is coming from the liquidation of the best part of my childhood.

I'm not saying I'd prefer deathtraps or anything. I'm just saying.

Edit: Guys? I love you. But. I'm not asking for financial advice -- my dad's an accountant. And no, I'm not moving out of state. I have three words for you: Cost Of Living.

Profile

naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
naamah_darling

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
5 678 910 11
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Mar. 23rd, 2017 08:17 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios