naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
A fucking asshole.  Just so you know.

Look at this little shit.

Etrigan lying on his back with his paws in the air, eyes closed, teeth showing in a smile.

Gross mouth-breathing purring not shown.

Ugh, why do I love him so muuuch?  He is literally useless.  And smelly.   And very stupid.

naamah_darling: Really rough-looking long-haired guy with the hilt of a sword sticking up over his shoulder.  Distressingly frank stare. (The Baron)
I don't make resolutions. I don't even really consider it an important occasion, except most everyone else does, so that naturally causes me to stop and reflect on how things have gone for me.

I accomplished woefully little this year. I have nothing but the mental illness and my own lack of resilience to blame. I've just been so . . . flat. I can keep myself on a more or less stable emotional keel, but that eats up any productivity I might otherwise have. I spend more time on obligations than personal projects, but lacking those obligations I might do nothing, so who can say?

Last year was shitty in many ways, really shitty, but it also contained some unexpectedly wonderful stuff, and my life now is most assuredly better than it was in January of last year. I'm still not feeling optimistic, but perhaps that will come in time.

I just want to be able to . . . to do things again. To have the energy, mental and physical, to work at things. I'm bored so much of the time, and, being an introvert, there's only so much that other people can help. And, lately, I've spent a lot of time in low-level pain from minor health problems I really don't want to discuss.

But to focus on the positive, I made three really cool things in 2013: the Barsoomian Chess Set, which was featured on Propnomicon; MLP custom "Serenity"; and the steampunk pirate ponies Phantom and Ember Blacklock

I launched Silver Into Steel, the srs blog. Admittedly seldom-updated, but I'm going to work on that, too.

And, the huge one: I was approved for disability. My government is still shitty and thinks that I should be able to live on what doesn't even cover my house payment, but at least I have health coverage via Medicaid now.

Christmas was lovely. I'll post more about that later.

I've been playing Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, and having enormous fun pirating everything in sight. It's still not Ezio, and I've just had to resign myself to the fact that none of the other games will match that arc. That storyline started out so perfectly, establishing this woman-chasing fist-fighting ne'er-do-well and his loving family and then ripping all of it to miserable shreds, and that propelled me through three games. After that first part of ACII, you fucking hate the Templars. And you actually got to see the character grow and change. Become more competent. More responsible. And finally, much wiser. He was an excellent character.

Edward from AC IV is all right -- he looks sort of like the bastard pirate lovechild of Charlie Hunnam and Chris Hemsworth, he has tattoos and a smart mouth -- but I'm a quarter of the way in and there's no emotional core to the game so far, and that's hurting it. They're trying to lean on the "FREEDOM" angle -- and I really wish they would do more with Adéwalé, because he is really cool and I love that they write him with this subtle tolerant contempt for white people's shit -- but it's not coming together for me. It's still a gorgeous game, and I like it very much, even if the jaguars are fucking murderous little shits.

In other news, I started playing the Baron again last week, and it's been fantastic having him around again. He still makes obscenely good die rolls, and he now has an apprentice that the dice apparently like just as much as him. She's tiny and cute and he just wants to play hide and sneak with her all day. He finds her utterly delightful, and it's like watching a big old wolf play with a kitten. Apparently he was missing that, and didn't know it. Nearly all the other women in his life are sharp or hard or prickly or just flatly practical and no-bullshit -- or they're horses -- and he loves those things about them . . . those are not flaws. The one girl who isn't like that -- his mistress -- is extremely sweet, and he loves her to pieces, but she has no sharp edges. She's the gentlest creature in his life, and he needs that so very badly, but . . . he also needed someone with a bit of both, I think. Someone with whom he shares the same background of murderstab training. Someone he can feel protective of for legitimate reasons, but who really doesn't need much protecting. Someone crap at hiding her feelings, because he has a terrible time dealing with it when people do that.

Eh. Enough about people you've never met.

In other news, I have found the softest thing in the house and it is the fur at the tenderest part of Etrigan's throat, way back under his chin. It's so soft I can barely feel it, like mole fur or bat fur. He has become an excellent cuddler. Not an in-the-lap cuddler, a pick-up-and-snuggle cuddler, not like Tazendra, but a lying-beside sleepytimes cuddler. He lays where Tazendra used to and lets me curl my arms around him -- he is so much bigger, nearly twice as big -- and lays where he can feel my breath on his face, which means his face is usually adorably close to mine so I can just look at him. I can tell he misses Fish, so sometimes I stick my finger in his ear and rub it around -- she used to groom his ears and he loved that, but I'm not going to lick him anywhere, thanks. He loves it. He doesn't even flick his ear, he just purrs harder and rolls so I can do the other one. Today he snuggled up with me and put the top of his flat, empty little head against my mouth so I could just kiss and kiss him without stopping. Behavior-wise he is barely a cat at all, and is frequently so annoying it boggles the mind. And yet I love him like a very stupid but enthusiastically cheerful little brother.

I love Smooch, too, but he's a tough nut to crack. We have a respectful cat/human relationship based on me fulfilling his every desire and him being very grateful for my services, but mostly ignoring my needs. He's tender, emotionally, rebuffs easily, stews and sulks sometimes. He has moods, like weather. Etrigan's emotional core is rubber or Teflon. Nothing gets him down for long. They are very different. I love them both. Etrigan is turning out to be the really comforting one, for all that he's a fucking asshole most of the time.

I need to go to sleep. I hope the next year is less painful than this one for everybody. I hope you find and do and make and learn fun and interesting new things. I hope things improve. For all of us. I really do.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Now that Fish is gone, Etrigan has been coming to sleep with me every night the door is open.  He will come in a few hours before I get up and lay up by my head with his head bonked against mine or his chin resting on my head/face/neck, and often with one paw thrown over me, and he will sack right out.  I've NEVER had a cat want to be so literally up in my face while sleeping.  Even Tazendra saw me off to sleep, then went to sleep somewhere else, by herself.  She was putting me to bed, not sleeping.

The first couple of nights he was really, really pathetic about it and constantly woke me up wanting pets.  I wasn't going to throw him out.  What am I, inhuman?  I just told him it was okay and I was here and he was safe, and I guess he decided that sleeping with me is kind of nice.

He's pretty bad at it still -- he stomps on my face sometimes and hasn't learned not to shake the bed when he goes to scratch or chew himself -- so it's a little disruptive, but what it lacks in restfulness it makes up for in feeling loved and needed, and being able to comfort something small and essentially helpless.  He doesn't seem sad anymore, but he has been a lot cuddlier, and solicits me for snuggles several times a day, which he did not used to do.

I don't have a recent picture of him on this computer.  Here is a picture of him in spirit:

He's basically been a giant furry suckup.  I don't understand.  He was not supposed to be MY CAT.  He was Sargon's.

But, then, Sargon doesn't put up with being bothered in his sleep.  I evidently do.  (Provided it's a cat.  Humans get kicked and bitten.)

I think Etrigan just knows a couple of suckers when he sees them.

Annnd here he comes right now, probably wanting to ram his head into mine or bite me on the tit or put his butt in my face.  But he'll purr while he does it, so it's okay, I guess.

naamah_darling: Cartoony picture of a black panther with curved horns and a red ball in his mouth. He wants to play. (Jandar Sad)
Welp, it finally happened.

Etrigan's ass-funk.  On my face.

We were playing fetch while I dried off from the shower.  I threw the mouse, he lost it, I carried him over to the couch to show him it was on the other side, VERY GENTLY pushed him off the couch toward it, and got a broadside across the starboard bow.

I didn't realize where it was coming from at first, and thought it was my shirt, but no, MY FACE.  It'd been a month or so since the last time, so it was kind of inevitable. Usually he rips one off about every two weeks, but I've been so, so careful about not kicking him in the ass or picking him up wrong.  This is NOT EASY.  He darts in front of us and will STOP, so he sometimes gets kicked in the ass entirely by accident, and this has caused at least one other eruption.  Also, he can't be picked up around the chest, since it gives him an asthma attack, so he has to be picked up braced behind his thighs, or in a weird modified anvil-carry, both of which put pressure on his ass.

So the shirt went into the laundry and I got a Silkwood shower.  Vinegar takes that shit right off.  Smelly vinegar.  On my face.  Cat ass with vinaigrette, salad lightly tossed.  But my hair and face are satiny soft on that side, so, silver linings?

This has happened many times before.  He's butt-stunk on lots of things.  My pillow.  The wall behind my bed.  Two shirts.  My leg.  My arm, at least three times.  Sargon's arm, I think.  Sargon's sheets, twice.  Last time it was in my hair.  Which was actually worse -- it's harder to get out of hair.

Understand, I can't be even the slightest bit angry with him.

First, it's absolutely not his fault.  The times he's NOTICED he's done it, he's been as shocked and dismayed as anyone.

Second, he's a very sweet cat who has helped me a lot through this last sucky phase, and I'm grateful and lucky to have him, ass-funk and all.

Third, I would many, many times over rather he butt-stink on ME than on something I cannot easily clean, like the couch.

Fourth, there are more disgusting things.  Cat musk may smell like someone shit in a rotting fox, but it's not actually waste.  Just concentrated musk.  I realize the difference may appear academic to you, but it bothers me way less.

HOWEVER. If I can ever get my schedule worked around so that I can get him in to see the vet, he's going to the vet ASAP, where I will have Anal Gland Girl show me how to express them myself, and we will see if we can keep this from happening again.  Can't we all just get along?

At least I was not this person.  They had their mouth open and everything.

And, just FYI, there is legit nothing wrong with him at all in that area that anyone has ever been able to find.  I will ask again, but I truly believe he just has really active anal glands, and it's actually a good thing (for him) that they self-express instead of getting impacted, which could easily happen.  I just don't want to be caught in the line of fire.

Note to friends: he should be perfectly safe to handle for at least a week.  He's shot his load.  So don't worry about petting him next time you see him.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
On the one hand, I should post more, and I should try to talk more about the good things in my life.

On the other, all "accentuate the positive" has ever really done for me is make me feel like I can't talk about things, and if there's anything in this world I hate more than shutting my fucking mouth, I don't know what it is. (Okay, feeling trapped is worse. But I think the former is closely related to the latter, so they're the same issue.)

Still, there are good things afoot.

I tend not to talk about the tabletop gaming we do because it's of little interest to anyone not in the group, but we have a great time. The regular game Sargon runs for us is going well. Our friend Tony decided to run a short Champions superhero adventure. I braved my personal distaste for numbers-crunchy systems to play, and found the combat a lot more rewarding than I had remembered from my previous forays into the Hero System rules. It's a system that focuses on combat and heavily rewards metagaming, which are things that tend not to appeal to people with my style of gameplay (in-depth storytelling and roleplaying). I have more of an appreciation for it now, evidently. Plus, sometimes it's just fun to beat the snot out of bad guys.

I've considered running a game myself for a long time, but I honestly think that would be a disaster. I could come up with a kickass storyline, but I've never tried to manage a group, and given how difficult it is for me to run something for even one person, I think I might seriously implode under the pressure. I'll stick to writing porn.

In other news, the girl steampony is more or less finished, after giving me fits and hives. I've redone her hair five times, and it still isn't quite where I want it. It's at the point, though, where nobody else is going to even see what I'm unhappy about, and I know when enough's enough. She's gorgeous, full stop, and nobody is going to argue with me about it. (Or I will eat them, but I digress.)

The boy got his face finished today (Sunday), will get his topcoat tomorrow, and will be haired beginning Tuesday. He's fabulous, too, though not as diva-licious as his sister. I'm still waffling on names. Hopefully they'll both be done in a week or so, can get their pictures taken, and can head off to their new homes. I'm ready to work on something new. Barsoomian pony! Sir Ulrich Von Lichtenstein/William Thatcher pony! Absinthe pony! OMG! ALL THE PONIES.

Seriously, though, I have a little file of index cards with pony ideas written on them so I don't forget any. I counted the other day and had 94. Then I added a few, and now I have 124. More ponies than I will ever be able to paint. That idea I tossed out a little while back of doing much simpler ones is sounding pret-ty great right about now. I just need to have simpler ideas, because "full-body repaint, three-color gradient, fairy wings, lace, pearls, and unicorn horn" is not simple.

I have to see the doctor tomorrow, and for entirely unavoidable reasons it's not my usual doctor. I've seen this lady before, but she's still not Dr. C. So, that'll be mildly anxiety-provoking. Then, Tuesday, I have to see the psych to get my psych prescriptions renewed so I can fill them at the cheap place, and I'm really not looking forward to that. Last time, the person who took my vitals basically Bingo-ed me with the whole "but that's a thing you can conquer!" line re: eating disorder stuff. I'm going to refresh my knowledge of mortality rates for eating disorders and for mental illness in general, in case I run into her again and she doesn't remember my gentle verbal slap from last time.

Anyway, tell me about your weekend, and/or anything amusing your pets have done recently. I never get tired of pet stories.

We're teaching Etrigan to wear a harness, so we can eventually put him on a lead and sit with him safely in the yard, where he so desperately wants to go. He thinks the harness is fucking amazing, man, and acts positively stoned out of his gourd every time we put it on him. Purring, rolling, mashy-paws, wiggling and flopping, the whole nine yards. Deliriously happy little dork-face. He is so weird.
naamah_darling: Close cropped image of a blonde ponytailed man with a woman pulling a black stocking tightly around his neck. (BDSM)
I try not to go this long without posting, but Livejournal is so quiet these days. Yes, I'm aware of the irony of complaining about that after not posting for 12 days.

I've felt pretty good, lately. Stable.

I have little energy, but my spirits have been good, and the panic attacks and general hovering anxiety have dissipated. They're barely clouds on the horizon, and only occasionally threaten. They'll come back, they always do, but it's better for right now.

The balance of meds is right. I'm learning to steer without yanking the controls. Small adjustments. Little things I can do. It doesn't put a roof on the anxiety or a floor on the depression, but it minimizes bouncing between the two, which is exhausting and demoralizing.

There are things to worry about, if I allow myself to worry, but I mostly try not to. They're things out of my control, or things I can affect, but I can only do so much at a time.

The cats are doing well, mostly. Fish and Sif are stressed from the boys wanting to play all the time, and because they are assholes, they play rough. I try to minimize this, but it's constant. And frustrating. They had their second aderpshun day early this month, and they still act like kittens. Smooch because he has atrocious impulse control issues, and Etrigan because he's too stupid to mature past that extremely stupid kitten phase. They are both full of love and intermittently very, very smelly.

I can't remember if I posted about it here, or just briefly on Facebook, and I am too lazy to go look, but several weeks ago, Sargon lifted Etrigan off the back of a chair I was sitting in, and the little asshole tensed up and accidentally vented his anal glands on the back of my head.

The stench was horrific and RIGHT NEXT TO MY HEAD. All of my clothes had to go into the washer without touching the floor or any other furniture, and I was making incoherent and completely involuntary gargling noises the whole time. It was briefly worse when I got in the shower, because the hot water basically turned it into one of those scent-diffuser things, and the entire bathroom was bathed in the lovely aroma of cat musk. It was an awful lot like being inside Satan's sweaty butthole. I had to shampoo twice with a vinegar rinse before each one to break the stink down. My hair was really soft afterwards, at least.

It was, of course, fucking hilarious, and since it didn't get on the chair, no real harm was done. I can smell again, and everything.

Shit-For-Brains, though, is getting his ass-pimples popped next time I take him to the vet, because, while there is nothing wrong with him that is making him do this -- his anal glands are not impacted or anything like that, and the stuff that comes out looks and smells normal for cat musk . . . some cats just do this more often than other cats -- I'm just tired of him doing it, because he manages to butt-stink on something about once every three or four months, and someday it's going to get on something I cannot wash and could not replace. And that stuff is powerful.

Luckily, the Banfield we take him to has a vet tech there known as Anal Gland Girl. How's that for a superhero name? Apparently she's good at it, and doesn't mind being ASSigned the chore.

And on that note, I believe I shall leave you.

For god's sake, ask some questions or provide me with things you want to hear me blither on about, because I miss the interaction, but my brain has simply not been equal to the task of deciding how to fill the silence.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Cats)
Etrigan's new brush 1

Etrigan's new brush 2

So, [personal profile] brightlotusmoon sent me some goodies, and there was a brush inside, and Etrigan evidently loves it.

This last week has been hard on everyone, and I think we could all use a moment of levity.
naamah_darling: A tiny week-old tabby kitten with her paws raised and her eyes half-closed. (Kittens)
Etrigan Von Asshole, folks:

Asshole Cat is an Asshole 02

He's kind of pants at cuddling.

More here! )

And, finally, a video.

Or a link if that does not work.

He purrs the whole time. Also, he falls off the chair about halfway through when I was trying to blow in his ear to get him to do this thing he does where he goes "MRRRRR!" in this kind of pitiful way that makes me laugh so hard. The other thing it makes him do is roll around like a dumbass, so he rolled right off the edge.

Warning: I say "Asshole" A LOT. Also, I baby talk. And I repeat myself when I baby talk. Because cats like to hear their names. And his name is "Asshole."

The video cut me off. The last line should be "'Cause you're an asshole."
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
A couple folks asked how the cats are doing. Fish and Sif are all right, just bitchy and crazy, respectively. Sif doesn't do much, and Fish mostly skulks and poops on the floor, so, nothing terribly photogenic going on there.

You get the boys today.

Etrigan first, because he's an asshole. (He actually answers to "Asshole". The folks at the vet find this amusing.)

Etrigan and Bunnsley 1
Pictures of a black panther kitty go here. )
Next, Smooch! He's still funny-looking.

Yeti-cat. )

Sometimes he comes awake from a dead sleep with a startled sort of yawp, or a spit. He has nightmares, poor dude. I don't know what about, but they bother him, and sometimes he cries afterward and I have to put everything down and run over and comfort him, because Jesus Christ, a sad Yeti is the saddest fucking thing you ever saw.


Sometimes he decides he wants to nibble my fingers. The inside of his mouth is seriously fucked up.

Anyway, there you go. Cat pics for a Wednesday.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Cats)
So! News!

Queen of the Sky Frontier is at 71% funded!

We have 10 days left, and $917 to go.

I think we can make this. Five or ten bucks, or even a dollar at a time. So give us a hand!

I've ordered the ribbon for the bookmarks, and the charms are on the way. Hopefully there will be no surprises there, but I'm not super-concerned. Mostly I'm just looking forward to making them! They are SO much fun!

In other news, Createspace has shipped the copies of Pride and Prostitutes to us. The delay wasn't our fault. There's been a whole hassle with Createspace not being able to get them printed straight, and negotiations dragged out, but they're trying to put it right. We have half of them, and are waiting on the other half to arrive. They look great, though. They really do.

Book and Bookmark 2

See? There's one of the bookmarks! The Sky Frontier ones will be black with pirate-y danglies! You can secure your own right here! No porn purchase required.

And, to leave you with something identifiably cute, here's a cat.

Etrigan thinks sexy steampunk pirate porn is the shit. Here he is, smarming it up for the camera:


He looks so healthy, no? Yeah, well, he's asthmatic as fuck, and requires monthly payments at the vet's to keep him on the steady, so if you donate a dollar, you're helping with that.

Yes, I am shameless, but LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE. LOOK AT IT.

Looking at him, you'd never know he's a Twinkie-thieving little asshole who has had to go to Kitty Prison twice this week for holin' while we're trying to watch a movie or roleplay. Doesn't matter. He gives good snuggle when he feels like it and is ludicrously entertaining. And have I mentioned he is stupid as a box of raisins?

Anyway, hope your Monday was tolerable, and I shall now leave you to it!

Signal boost, throw in a buck or two, or just point and laugh and share stupid cat stories. Whatever. We love you guys.
naamah_darling: The Punisher skull with a red ribbon barrette. (Punisher Ribbon)
This happened just before he ran away to have his Not-So-Incredible Journey.

I'm alone playing Borderlands 2 (awesome, btw) and I hear this very quiet, tiny little "crinkle crinkle" sound and think, "Great, one of my dumbass mammals has found a plastic bag and is licking it, and it's only going to get worse. Now I have to go take it away." Only it sounds wrong, and it's coming from too high up in the kitchen.

Etrigan, I realize, is on the counter again.

So I sneak out of my chair. I move like the night, soundless. I approach the kitchen.

Etrigan comes panther-walking out with AN ENTIRE WRAPPED TWINKIE in his mouth. He was holding it in the middle, like a dog with a bone. He must have gotten it from the closed up box that was on the counter, and I would not have heard it at all if it weren't for the crinkling plastic wrapper.

Now, it is fucking adorable, but he is still a slinking little Twinkie thief, so I turn on the STARE OF DISAPPROVAL.

He sees me and his eyes get the size of half-dollar coins and the Twinkie drops to the carpet with a crinkly *thump*. It was a cartoon moment. Then he ran like his ass was on fire and his head was catching, and I was laughing so fucking hard I literally could not follow him.

So I sat down. With the Twinkie. And I waited.

He realized very quickly I wasn't going to swat him; he knows I'm not mad when I laugh. So he comes out like nothing happened, and I called him over, and I got down in front of him and I ate the entire thing right in front of his face.

He watched the whole time with this 'I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAND IT WAS MIIIIINE WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" look on his face.

And then I let him sniff the spot where I set the Twinkie down while I had a drink of root beer.



Etrigan went to the vet today to be checked over and get a feline leukemia shot just in case, but he's completely unscathed, aside from being a little clingy. And by "clingy" I mean "less revolted by contact that he does not initiate." And apparently he cried a lot more than usual on the way to the vet.

He has snuggled with both of us since his Great Escape, and he is obviously glad to be home. I just hope he's smart enough not to do it again. Ever. Because that sucked.

Thank you, everyone, for the kind comments and the support. I wasn't replying, I was in bed feeling like my head had been run over by a truck, but I very much appreciate it. I am sure all the good vibes helped him find his stupid way home.

He is playing fetch with Best Mouse right now, as happy as he has ever been. Like nothing happened. He is such an asshole. I love him so much.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
"We thought he was a goner, but the cat came back the very next day."

He's back. He's wet. He's filthy. He's freaked out. He's SO hungry. And he's still an asshole, so there's that.

Thank you for the well-wishes everyone, and the good juju. Apparently it helped him find his stupid way home.

God. I haven't even gotten out of bed all day, literally sick with worry. And now I just want to get right back into it and sleep until tomorrow. I'd feel bad for freaking out so much, but when I was a kid I lost so many cats -- thirteen? -- from outdoor accidents like autos and dogs and just mysterious disappearances, and one right in front of me, and I found I just couldn't cope with that and the knowing what being utterly alone and exposed and scared feels like.

naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
He got out last night and has been gone for fifteen or sixteen hours, I think. No sign of him, and now it's pissing rain, and he could be anywhere in the enormous forested drainage area that runs behind our house, that's tangled so thick you can't walk through it.

Just . . . cross your fingers that the little douchebag gets back safe, okay? I really can't do this. I'm strong enough to walk, but I'm not strong enough to carry anything heavy like this right now.

And he's . . . an indoor cat, a dumb one, who doesn't even know what wind and rain are, in an enormous world full of people and things and animals he doesn't know, and might want to hurt him. And I can only hope he's not scared, because that kind of all-pervading, immobilizing fear is something I know way to well to be able to bear the thought of him feeling it with any grace.

I can barely go outside. It reminds me so strongly of how it felt when I had my horrible, horrible hours-long panic attacks, and how everything outside the house was just . . . a fucking nightmare.

Normally I'm really cool-headed, but I am surprisingly, humiliatingly, not fucking coping.

Advice not really appreciated. We're doing what we can do. Just keep your fingers crossed that he comes home very, very soon.


Sep. 15th, 2012 07:32 pm
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
In some lighter news, Etrigan and Smooch have been given a shoutout on

It's a short piece about cats that found homes despite being . . . different.

Every cat has something to give.

It is always sad to me when people only value cats as kittens; and then, only value them for cuteness. That is something they all have, and does not acknowledge the specialness of each cat’s personality.

. . .

Smooch and Etrigan: a mismatch made in heaven

This is Smooch (top) and Etrigan (bottom.) In a classic Way of Cats move, these two foster brothers were adopted together, because the person had decided to try my “two cats are better than one” approach.

It is working very well!

Smooch has facial deformities and one eye, while Etrigan, who seemed fine at the time, turns out to have allergy-triggered asthma. That could have made them “unadoptable.”

And look at the treasures that would have been unspent.

Instead, they are enjoying a wonderful home, and each other, as the picture aptly illustrates.

. . .

Sometimes, they are cats with a physical challenge. Sometimes, they are too old, or too young, or have an unpopular coat color, or are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But as I explained in a previous post, we don’t necessarily have to value what our society values.

Because society is, so often, wrong about what we should value. When we fall for letting others decide what we are supposed to want to do…

We will miss out on a lot of magic.

I bolded that last bit because it's sort of true about . . . everything.

I want to throw a shoutout to Pammy as well. Way of Cats is a really, really helpful blog, she has been incredibly generous with advice about these two dopey jerks, and she has been right every time. I am very grateful to her for her help. So if you are a cat person and want to understand your friends better than you do, go and spend some time there, and maybe invest in her ebooks!
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
We brought the boys home one year ago today! To celebrate, and also give me something nice to think about, here is a massive picspam, beginning with some pictures of them at their most beautiful. More under the cut.

Smooch Face 01

Etrigan Fishing 4

Oh, yeah, you need to see these. )

Those are my boys.

Thank you for helping me when I've needed help for them. They are my friends, and I need them in my life. Even if one's an asshole and one is really smelly and they are both being annoying today.

I emailed their foster parent and the shelter I got them from, and let them know that I am very grateful for my boys and their continued presence in my life. They were a wonderful decision.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Etrigan loves Twilight Sparkle

Coloring books are just the thing when you are feeling sick or sad. Thanks, Grey. We love it.

Etrigan is feeling punky, still, and we are trying to determine whether that's lung infection or asthma or what. This is a game we will be playing for as long as we have him, and you know, I do not care. He is a good cat, and no matter how much he worries me or how sad it is to see him coughing and breathing hard, he will be our special little dumbass. He is a happy cat, despite his health troubles, and despite those troubles, he is very sweet with everyone, even the vet. Really, one of the most good-natured cats I have ever had and I've had, at this point, about 25 over the course of my life.

Also, this sneak peek at what I will be posting tomorrow:

Amor Volat 08

That's Amor Volat. Her cute little butt, anyway. She, cute butt included, will be for sale. (I love her, she came out beautifully, but someone else out there needs her, I know they do, so off she goes.) I am thinking about just doing an auction in comments to her post (not this one), rather than eBaying her, because of the hassle. If you have opinions on the matter, please, please speak up!

Pirate pony will require a more elaborate photo shoot (an excuse to break out ALL THE PIRATE LOOT AHAHAHA!), so I will get right on that starting Friday, and you will have pics next week. Ask the gaming group how cute she is. Go on. Ask.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Etrigan is feeling better

He looks kind of a mess here, but he was actually purring and more comfortable than he had been in a couple of days.

He is a cuddly little bastard.

Having kind of a rough day today, worried about friends and pets and self. Naturally, I am avoiding everything:

WIP Amor Volat

The next pony, WIP

Got to do something about that lettering. I reeeally suck at lettering.

Experimental black spray paint for the base coat.

WIP disturbing collection

Even I find this kind of disturbing. Funny, but disturbing.
naamah_darling: A tiny week-old tabby kitten with her paws raised and her eyes half-closed. (Kittens)
Etrigan seems to be doing quite a bit better today, so we're hopeful that this particular flareup will blow over without any more trouble. He was actually up on the table knocking shit over so we know he's feeling more himself. I'm still worried about him, but I'm likely to be worrying about him perpetually for the rest of his asthmatic little life, which I hope is a long and annoying one.

Thank you to everyone who donated, or everyone who offered to donate. We don't know if we'll need additional vet funds yet. I am hoping not. So all y'all who offered, you can hold off and wait and see, 'cause I'd feel kind of bad at this point asking for it without knowing. I am really, really grateful. And super-grateful for those folks who sent generous donations which will allow us to cover a chest x-ray and bloodwork if he needs those done. (Which he probably will sometime down the line, just hopefully not right away.)

For those who asked, we get money fastest through, whether that's memberships or donations. Smashwords is next, and they will be paying me at the end of this month, I think, so now is not a bad time if you want to buy a book.

Adventurotica on Smashwords
Naamah's books
Sargon's books

Amazon, eh, they pay me occasionally, but they are kind of assholes.

Etsy payments are immediate: Morningstar Hall at Etsy is kind of sparse right now, but there's a lot of stuff under $25.

As for Paypal, anything sent to sargon999 at hotmail goes to our living expenses (electricity, mortgage, internet, trash pickup, you know, the boring stuff).

Anything sent to naamah at gmail and marked for Etrigan and the kitties will get pulled out in cash and hidden, to go to vet bills only. (I keep track of the vet money.) Anything not marked for the kitties will get split with Sargon for living expenses, and I'll put the rest away to get me my bloodwork done in a month and a half, which is about $150.

I am not asking, but some people had asked. As it is, I feel really awful even putting this stuff here because I am so reluctant to call in any favors at all, for fear that things might get worse.

I am working on stuff to put up on Etsy -- I need to go do more of that right now -- but I don't know how fast that will happen.

Oh, dear. Etrigan is pulling stuff off Sargon's table as we speak. I think our little convalescent is feeling somewhat improved. He would thank you all for the well-wishes, but he's very stupid. Rest assured that if you were here, he would let you pet him as much as you wanted and give him all the treats you felt inclined to give him by way of thanking you. Because that's how cats are.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)

Etrigan has pneumonia. Either that or heart disease, but he seems better after a day on the antibiotics, so I'm choosing to believe it's pneumonia. We expect him to make a full recovery, but this is likely to be a pattern with him. Asthmatic cats are prone to lung infections, especially given that prednisolone lowers his immune system. I'm worried about the little asshole. He's so sweet and so . . . well, I won't say he's good, but I will say that he doesn't mean to be bad, and that counts for something. He certainly doesn't deserve this, the poor little guy.

We didn't know he had an incurable, permanent medical condition when we adopted him, and while I am not at all wanting to give him back or anything asinine like that, I just wish I had known. They say that if you can't afford the vet you can't afford the pet, and I see the wisdom in that to an extent, but if everyone assumed that their pet was going to be sick half the time there would be a lot fewer pets getting rescued and adopted and cared for. I don't think anyone wants more shelter deaths. And a lot of folks couldn't afford pets at all, which sucks, since they make our lives better in so many ways.

There just isn't an answer, and the money isn't there, especially since I need to see my doctor, and we can't afford that either. I'm having persistent, niggling health issues that are really cranking up my anxiety because I don't know what's causing them, and I can't afford to even go in to talk to people, let alone get my regular bloodwork done.

Sigh again. I hate complaining about money, but . . . well, it takes up a lot of my processing space and is making me fairly miserable.

The new psych meds seem to be helping, at least. Although I want to stress that doesn't mean that everything is fine and I'm totally recovered or any of that.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, everyone who wished me a happy birthday (it was on the second, and no, I didn't make a big deal out of it because frankly, I don't care much this year). I got a few nice things and had a quiet day and there were cookies last Monday and everything was pretty much awesome. And [personal profile] bat_cheva got me these ceramic skull beads with a crackle glaze that are just too awesome and too cute for words. I have plans for them already.

I have finished [personal profile] bat_cheva's Christmas present -- you see why I'm like "Nooo, I'm not taking commissions! -- and it is awesome and adorable and I am looking forward to posting pics today or tomorrow.

I'm also working on several other ponies, and I'm in a quandary. One of them is experimental. I used the new Liquitex acrylic spray paint as a black base coat, and I don't know how well it will adhere long-term or how it will age. I'm assuming just fine, since I've never had a problem with Liquitex products aging poorly, but I don't know. I might want to sell this one, and if I do, I will make sure to note that I've tried a new paint in my description. My quandary is how long after you try a new technique do you wait for something to go wrong before you change how you do things permanently?

I do want to sing the praises of Testors Dullcote as a topcoat. Brush-on acrylic sealers are almost always a little grabby no matter how long you let them sit, and as a result they collect dust like nobody's business. Other spray lacquers tend to get glossy when they build up over multiple coats, and it's hard to get the spray up around the belly and legs of the pony without overspraying, which leaves them really wet and, even when they dry, shiny-looking. Also, I've yet to find one that was truly flat, not just satiny or matte, that did not have a kind of rough texture. The Testors goes on smooth, dries insanely fast, and doesn't get over-shiny. The finish is like silk, very much like the original vinyl, so the pony "feels" right.

The one drawback is that it's expensive as hell. Well, that and it smells awful, though not lingeringly since it dries so fast.

Still, I don't think I will be using anything else, ever. It's that good. I knew people in the customs community swore by it, but I hadn't believed the hype. No wonder it's always sold out.

I've never wanted an airbrush -- too much trouble, too noisy, too expensive, takes up too much room -- but the pony thing is making me seriously reconsider that, because topcoats and graded base coats are so difficult with brushes. Water everything down and do it three times, is what I've learned. That is working really well so far.


naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)

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