naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Things are evening out -- the kind-of-awful thing is that this doesn't affect us day-to-day much at all, because we didn't see his parents more than a few times a year.

It's still a Thing to deal with, and I feel frustrated and awkward a lot, because there's nothing I can really offer to anyone in the way of fixing it.  So I try to stay out of the way, mostly, and try to be available to the extent that it won't tear down what stability I've built.

So I sit here and work on a pony as a surprise for my girlfriend, using pearl paint my mother gave me at least fifteen years ago, and which is still good.  There's some sort of lesson there, but I've really lost my taste for that kind of thing.  I'm tired of learning, I'm tired of trying to spin gold from the straw I'm left to bed down in, I'm tired of every year being a hard year, and more tired of every year being a hard year for people that I love.

I don't want lessons.  I want magic.

And I have that, in some measure, which is why I won't spit on last year despite the general suckery of it.  It put me back on the map as a human being, and I'm grateful for that, even though everything is a mass of tingling pain because I'm like a sleeping limb coming awake, only inside.  And all over.

The pony Patreon proceeds apace.  I'm proud of myself.  Really, truly proud.  I'm doing so well.  Not just in terms of donations, though that's pretty amazing, but in terms of what I've been able to do.  I've worked on pony stuff nearly every night for at least a little while, and even when I have off days -- like today, dear god, I can't handle a brush to save my life -- I usually have something to show for it.

Thanks to a very, very generous donation, The Actual Bear and I were able to order thirty hanks of hair.  THIRTY.  Add in the three freebies that the nice folks at threw in, and that's 33 hanks, all but five of which are colors I didn't already have.

Here's what that looks like:

And I think Smooch speaks for us all when he says *snort* *schlurp* *grunt*:

Thank you, Elizabeth.  We are very, very grateful.  This will give us a great jump start on restocking my art supplies.

I hope this year brings better for all of us, and inflicts the awfulness we've all had to endure on those who truly deserve it.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
A fucking asshole.  Just so you know.

Look at this little shit.

Etrigan lying on his back with his paws in the air, eyes closed, teeth showing in a smile.

Gross mouth-breathing purring not shown.

Ugh, why do I love him so muuuch?  He is literally useless.  And smelly.   And very stupid.

naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Cats)
Etrigan's new brush 1

Etrigan's new brush 2

So, [personal profile] brightlotusmoon sent me some goodies, and there was a brush inside, and Etrigan evidently loves it.

This last week has been hard on everyone, and I think we could all use a moment of levity.
naamah_darling: A tiny week-old tabby kitten with her paws raised and her eyes half-closed. (Kittens)
Etrigan Von Asshole, folks:

Asshole Cat is an Asshole 02

He's kind of pants at cuddling.

More here! )

And, finally, a video.

Or a link if that does not work.

He purrs the whole time. Also, he falls off the chair about halfway through when I was trying to blow in his ear to get him to do this thing he does where he goes "MRRRRR!" in this kind of pitiful way that makes me laugh so hard. The other thing it makes him do is roll around like a dumbass, so he rolled right off the edge.

Warning: I say "Asshole" A LOT. Also, I baby talk. And I repeat myself when I baby talk. Because cats like to hear their names. And his name is "Asshole."

The video cut me off. The last line should be "'Cause you're an asshole."
naamah_darling: Sepia picture of Heath Ledger from A Knight's Tale with the words "I Miss You." (Heath Miss You)
Tazendra. The Mocus. Stinker. Pantaloons. Circus Ape. Gorilla Lips. The Creature Known As "the Mocator."

I lost her two years ago last night, and it's still like hitting that missing stair on the way down every single time.

Long before she died, I made the decision to have her bones professionally cleaned and prepared, and I made the arrangements with Skulls Unlimited some time in advance. They did a good job.

It wasn't a decision I came to lightly. I'm not a stranger to pet loss. I've had something like 25 cats in my life, and all but four of those are gone now. The one unifying thread of regret is that I have nothing of any of them but pictures. I didn't want that to be the case with her.

Now I have her bones in a box near where I sleep, where I can reach her, and that's comforting.

I've meant to get some good photographs of her for a while now, and yesterday seemed a good time. I think the results came out well, and I'm willing to let them stand for the time being as final portraits. I'm aware some people find it disturbing, which I do understand, so the squeamish among you may want to turn aside. No hard feelings.

In the meantime, a picture of her with her fur on:

Tazendra Sepia 01

Cut for kitty bones. )

But, really, this is how I remember her best:

Dey Had Teef Like Dif

I have never stopped laughing like a dumbass over that picture, and a 9x12 copy of it sits next to her box. She was beautiful, in her cockeyed goblin way, but she was also a ridiculous moldy pajama bag of a cat with a heart brim-full of loathing for all living beings save myself. She was consistently one of the best and most hilarious things in my life.

I've had a couple of people ask, over the past two years, but yes, those of you who see me IRL are welcome to visit her wee little bones anytime. I don't mind at all.

Anyway, questions welcome, if you have them. It's not a subject I'm touchy about at all, so it won't bother me.

Thank you, by the way. You guys have been lovely about it since she went, and I appreciate all the sympathy more than I can say.

I can honestly say, all of the other cats I've had were, in comparison to her, "just cats." She was something else entirely.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
A couple folks asked how the cats are doing. Fish and Sif are all right, just bitchy and crazy, respectively. Sif doesn't do much, and Fish mostly skulks and poops on the floor, so, nothing terribly photogenic going on there.

You get the boys today.

Etrigan first, because he's an asshole. (He actually answers to "Asshole". The folks at the vet find this amusing.)

Etrigan and Bunnsley 1
Pictures of a black panther kitty go here. )
Next, Smooch! He's still funny-looking.

Yeti-cat. )

Sometimes he comes awake from a dead sleep with a startled sort of yawp, or a spit. He has nightmares, poor dude. I don't know what about, but they bother him, and sometimes he cries afterward and I have to put everything down and run over and comfort him, because Jesus Christ, a sad Yeti is the saddest fucking thing you ever saw.


Sometimes he decides he wants to nibble my fingers. The inside of his mouth is seriously fucked up.

Anyway, there you go. Cat pics for a Wednesday.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
We brought the boys home one year ago today! To celebrate, and also give me something nice to think about, here is a massive picspam, beginning with some pictures of them at their most beautiful. More under the cut.

Smooch Face 01

Etrigan Fishing 4

Oh, yeah, you need to see these. )

Those are my boys.

Thank you for helping me when I've needed help for them. They are my friends, and I need them in my life. Even if one's an asshole and one is really smelly and they are both being annoying today.

I emailed their foster parent and the shelter I got them from, and let them know that I am very grateful for my boys and their continued presence in my life. They were a wonderful decision.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
Love Affair

You can't really see it there, but he had his chin on her shoulder, and a few seconds after this he turned and pressed his face between her shoulders and just sat there, adoring her.

He really really loves her and she wants nothing to do with him. It's pathetic, and I feel awful for both of them, because he's being rebuffed and having his smelly little feelings hurt, and she's missing out on a fantastic snuggle. It is still hilarious.

Anyway. I just wanted to drop a note here and say that I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not taking commissions right now. Several of you have asked, several of you that I adore, but it's not something I can cope with. I think it would be a really bad idea. As I said to another friend this morning, I'd rather "I am crazy" be my reason for declining a commission than my excuse for being late.

I feel like an asshole and an idiot because we really, really need the money, but I know it's the smart thing to do, spoons-wise.

I also wanted to say that I'm sorry I haven't been writing here more. To be honest, when things get persistently sucky and frustrating, there's really no point in writing about it, because it's the same every single day. I'm not in a scary place, not too much, but I'm feeling cramped and trapped and sometimes I'm a bit of a mess about it, and I am having to quell my urge to talk about it too often. There's only so much repetition I can take. My other favorite topics -- outrageous human stupidity, repressive political fuckery, my god some people are assholes -- are all just sore from being kicked so often. Between the laws being passed against women and the ludicrously unconstitutional strip-search ruling by the Supreme Court and the whole Trayvon Martin thing and the FIVE hate-crime shootings here in my hometown -- and three deaths, I'm so beaten down and sad that I find it hard to muster any rage.

There is a body image thing I want to post, but I have to wait until I can cope with the raft of comments, and it's so intensely personal that it's actually uncomfortable to contemplate posting and I just . . . don't know.

I want to write more, do more, interact more. I feel like I only post here when I have something Really Important to say, and that's silly. This is my room, I can do what I like in here. But I still feel this urge to perform, or to post only Long Things of Great Importance. So if there's something you want to ask me, fuck it, ask me. I'd like a reason to post more, stuff that was shorter, or not as serious.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
A rhyme for you on this cold winter night:


When singing songs of ugliness,
Of smelliness and snuggliness,
I feel obligated at this moment to remind you
Of the most appalling beast I know:
With breath like chum and goblin roe
The sweaty yeti Smooch-mallow
Who's standing right behind you.

(Apologies to Shel Silverstein.)
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
Just a few pics which will hopefully make you laugh and brighten your day.

Smooch Blue Towel

He was asleep here, so this is not quite the face he makes when he's smiling, but it's pretty close. I get to see this every day. He is so silly-looking.

Funny guy. )

I just thought I would share. He makes me happy, so I thought I would let you laugh at him today like I get to laugh at him every day. He is such a serious little dude.

I really need to write a post about Etrigan and what a train wreck of a cat he is. Oh my god. I just don't have pictures to document this because, frankly, I don't want to take them, and they would be too disgusting to post anyway.
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
Thank you, everyone, for your orders and for your donations. Thank you. I think I have enough to cover the immediate medical stuff, as long as the tooth thing isn't too expensive. I've got an appointment for Tuesday and I will let you know how it goes. Thank you, too, to everyone who could only leave well-wishes. There's never any need to apologize for not being able to help out with money. Obviously I know how that is.

As a thank you, I have something for you.

Yeti-cat picture dump!

Tazendra always liked weird food. It makes me feel better to learn some of Smooch's weird food preferences. Like potato chips. OMFG. He loves chips.

Chips 1

He doesn't actually eat them, he just carries them around and licks them a bit, then leaves them on the floor, sticky.

Chips 2

He -- I am pretty sure he was the culprit -- also carried a terrible-tasting Play-Doh smelling knockoff Oreo cookie off the table and left it near the litter box. A commentary on the taste, no doubt, which was pretty unbelievably awful.

Click for more furry funny-faced kitty goodness! )

He's just so funny-looking. Funny guy. Funny smelly guy.

There. Something happy and cute and fuzzy to get you through Sunday and Monday, sanity intact. Or at least, that's what he's doing for me. Had a bad week, but I think the worst is past, and things will be okay.

Quick reminder, before I go and pack the last of the orders, I'm drawing for a large suncatcher ornament on Monday for anyone who donates to my paypal (button here) or orders from my Etsy shop before midnight. The coupon code XMAS2011 is still good for 15% off!

Just comment on this entry if you donate or order! I want to keep it all in one neat place!

Thank you again. Thank you. <3
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Smooch)
Yes, you get an extra helping of kitteh.

The Derp Bros

Heart U Capshun


Etrigan's expression and pearl-clutching posture in that last one is priceless.

Caption at will. (Non-capshun version of #2 is here.)
naamah_darling: A very sweet-faced one-eyed Himalayan cat with a crooked jaw. (Cats)
Oh, Smooch.

Yeti-cat wants kisses.

I had a bad night and a bad morning, and Smooch came in and checked on me several times. The last time, he came and lay right next to me on the pillow I curl up with, pushed my stuffed rabbit out of the way, turned so his chest was against mine, put an enormous paw on my shoulder, and then turned his face under and butted his little doorknob head under my chin, purring like an idling garbage truck.

When he looked up again I kissed him on his pushed-in little nose, and then he leaned in and licked my lip.

So I had kitty hugs and kitty kisses.

Smelly ones.

Somewhat less flattering.

I still feel pretty crappy, but at least I have something to laugh at.

He's a stinky little dude, he really is, but I love him so much.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Yup, still in love with this guy.

Professor Blofeld von Smooch 02

I mean, really. Why were the chicks not all over this guy? This is obviously a cultured, intelligent cat that will recite poetry to you while you stand on your balcony, thinking to yourself, "What I really need in my life is a guy who sleeps with his face in his water dish and wants to cuddle when I'm on the toilet. A guy who will save me from my glasses by dragging them off my face and hiding them under the blanket. A guy who smells kind of like socks and mushrooms. This guy."

Professor Blofeld von Smooch 01

We are so seldom sure when we've done the right thing. Life doesn't always work like that, you know? This time, I am sure. Smooch was the absolute right thing.

You guys, I love him so much it isn't fair. I would love him even if his face wasn't so silly. That is how much I love him.

The face is just the sugar on top.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Okay! We are coming up on the end of the month at, so it's time for those of you who set your renew date at the beginning of the month to renew!

Renewing lets us do awesome stuff like feed The Meringue-outan:

Smooch's Happy Face

Shown here in an attitude of attentive repose. The technical word for his expression is "hilarious."

It also refills my meds and feeds us, which is sort of important to everyone around here.

We have a lot of good stuff up for free, too!

The Woman In The Header (hint: there's not one) is part one of two, and I think it's really pretty good.

It bothers me because naked-men-liking folks are expected to feel included by imagery of sexy women, and heterosexual men are so deeply discouraged from finding men attractive that they specifically feel excluded and disgusted by pictures of sexy men. See, women are encouraged to develop an eye for what makes women sexy, and are often encouraged to explore the idea of this sexiness personally, physically, whether by dressing or acting sexy, or by physically playing around with other women. This is fine, I'm all for it, except the door doesn't swing both ways. Men are not, overall, encouraged to develop an intellectual appreciation for the attractiveness of other men, and the stigma related to exploring it sexually is much greater for men than women, making it blatantly unfair. Being straight is part of the Performance of Being A Man, and lack of appreciation for male attractiveness is part of that performance.

It bothers me that a picture of a woman lolling around nude and looking vulnerable and inviting is likely to be easily recognized as "sexy" by most people, whether they personally respond to it or not, but a man who is similarly naked and vulnerable and lolling around looking like he really wants some friendly attention (and maybe, in that case, a towel and a hair-dryer) is not only not as likely to be recognized as "sexy," but is likely to be considered ridiculous or un-sexy, or worse, "gay." And I don't mean folks think it's as awesome as buttsex, or that it's meant to appeal to gay men, I mean they feel that it's "unnecessarily girly, stupid, pointless, and effeminate" to show a man posing "like a girl" . . . which apparently means "looking sexy."

Yeah. This one really gets up my nose.

Worth clicking on that above link, btw, if you like pretty young dark-haired men who are on the skinny side. Very sweet. Although he looks like he needs some hot chocolate and hot oral sex, stat.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Good morning!

Etrigan Sees A UFO

Etrigan thinks Mondays are just fucking beautiful, man!

I'm working on tomorrow's article. What are you up to?
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
I was rinsing my big paintbrush in the bathroom sink when Smooch came in and tail-tagged me, the kitty equivalent of a human shoulder-hug. He squeaked at me insistently so I put the brush down and picked him up. He was all about the love, and let me hold him scritch his armpits and backside long enough that I decided I really needed to get back to my painting before my palette dried out.

I put him on the back of the couch, petted him a little more, and started to walk away. Before I could take a single step back, he turned and leaped back up into my arms, tacklehugging me.

I sat down in Sargon's chair and snuggled him, and because that's the kind of thing that Tazendra used to do, I was tearing up something fierce. Not sniffling, but, you know, leaky. He turned and, with an expression of grave concern on his ludicrous, flat face, grabbed my glasses in his gimpy little mouth and started pulling them off (he does this sometimes; I think he believes they are evil face-eating bugs). I took them off and he kissed my cheek with his pushed-in little nose.

And we sat there and I scritched him and he cracked his crooked jaws open in pleasure, his snaggle tooth sticking up and his one eye squeezed closed, purring his horrible cat breath into my face. And once again, at last, I was staring into the gremlin face of love.

Dignified Creature

All those people who say cats aren't as good as dogs, that cats will never love a human like a dog will, that cats have no loyalty and are only greedy little monsters who will eat you before you're cold . . . all those people?

Man, fuck them.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
This kitty photo dump is for [personal profile] flewellyn, who wanted moar pictures.

Smooch So Pretty 01

WOW. Look! An actual NICE picture of Smooch! He really is a pretty cat.

Smooch Yawn

You can't see the gimpiness of his mouth too well here, since the teeth are covered, making it hard to see where things SHOULD be. Still, you can kind of see how things are just a little warped.

Moar, including some silliness! )

That is all the pictures for now! I am off to answer email!
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
Smooch is a purebred lolcat.

Smooch YARRR

I laugh at his face every day. He is a worthy successor to The Mocus.

I hope the several of you who have requested more kitty pics are duly amused. I am still trying to get pretty portraits of them, but they are silly cats, so it is rather difficult.


naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)

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