naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (BTiLC Crazy Problem)
After conversation with a very understanding friend in the early part of this year, it occurred to me that I probably need to tell each and every one of you exactly what I told her. I've finally gotten around to it, because I feel like this needs to be said.

I'm not a liar in the conventional sense, but I have a habit of saying things that are not technically accurate at this precise point in time. Some of you are shaking your heads and saying, "Naamah, that's what a lie is." Others among you are probably nodding and going "Jeez, yeah, I wish more people understood the difference." You both have a point. Let's just say that while I'm trying to do this less, as in never, I still don't regard most of this as lying, and whether or not you want to view that as part of my problem is up to you.

My reaction to growing up around a lot of people I could not trust, not predict, or not understand was to obscure the truth, prevaricate, and lie. About everything, because I could never know which truths would get me in trouble. This applies to spinning fabulous yarns, as well: it's a very effective means of distraction, and of making sure you have control of the conversation. I don't need this reflex any longer, but it's a hard one to un-learn.

I am also chronically evasive about some things. So evasive, in fact, that I cannot even delineate to you what I am evasive about. Hopefully I am good enough at this that you will never notice it.

If I can't remember something precisely, I may make something plausible up. That's also reflexive -- I'm a storyteller by nature. In the words of Chaucer from A Knight's Tale, "I'm a writer. I give the truth scope." If I remember 40% of a story I am telling, I will fill in the missing 60% without a second thought. I don't mess with the important parts, though.

I will also lie or evade or otherwise bend the truth to protect someone else's privacy/secrets/safety, and I err on the side of caution. Mostly, I try to say "I can't answer that, it's not my story to tell," but there are cases in which even admitting that there's a secret to protect would be compromising.

In regard to my own life and history, I have been known to retcon myself. If I wish I had gone ahead and said that witty thing, I may pretend I said it. I'm trying to stop, and none of it is important stuff. I did not delete a boyfriend, a stint in prison, a murder, or a bigfoot sighting. I did not manufacture whole people or pets . . . or bigfoot sightings. The really good stuff and the really bad stuff is all factual. As with The Ghost and the Darkness, all of my most unbelievable stories are true.

I've made a sincere effort to be honest, especially during the last couple of years keeping this journal, but if you are a meatspace friend you should know that a lot of my honesty online comes from being able to choose the where and when of my interactions. Sometimes in real life I get spooked, tired, flustered, or just plain overexcited, and because this is a defense mechanism formed to help me out of exactly those situations, it still happens. I hate that, but it's true.

It's an often hilarious but not necessarily easy thing to live with, knowing that you actually are the unreliable narrator -- sometimes to the point that you don't even realize you're narrating unreliably. My instinct is, of course, to pretend to not be that way. I fib my own unreliability out of existence, sometimes so well that I will swear to people that I am honest and straightforward before I remember that, oh, no, I'm actually not. It's probably annoying, but it's not meant to be malicious.

There is another explanation for the occasional seemingly bizarre or contradictory utterance: I am fucking crazy.

Mixed states, bad depressive episodes, hypomanic states, all do strange things to your sense of time and reality, so I sometimes remember things strangely.

I can often tell you exactly what time it is – Sargon has seen me do this down to the minute – but equally often my sense of what month it is fails completely. Subsequently, I have a very bad sense of time and date. Right now, as I write this, it's 5:30 on September 04th. I think it is 10:53 at night on July 23. July 23, 2007. Just as my dreams are lifelike and occasionally surreal, my life in retrospect seems very dreamlike with intermittent periods of lucidity. I keep a journal partly to help with this; my time sense and memory have not improved since I started to do that, but at least I have a concrete reference that I know is correct because it was written as it happened.

So that's it. All of it. I make shit up, but – perversely – I don't consider myself a liar. I'm getting much better, but these are personality tics that I will probably always have.

There are two major things that I try not to do:

I try not to lie if I believe someone wants an honest opinion about something that is really important to them. I may take a while to answer because I do try to be tactful, but if you want honesty, I will try to provide it.

I try not to lie to people I love to cover up my own wrongdoing. I want to say that I never do that, or never would, but human nature is human nature, and I am what I am. If I ever do that again, I want to be called on it – privately, please, remember I am quite possibly doing it out of fear or confusion – because I've just gone to a bad place that I have tried not to go to for a long time now.

There is a difference between being a person of embellished reality and being unfaithful or untrue in heart to those you respect and love. I am not the latter, and I try pretty damn hard to keep the fact that I'm the former from making me that way.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (BTiLC Crazy Problem)
After conversation with a very understanding friend in the early part of this year, it occurred to me that I probably need to tell each and every one of you exactly what I told her. I've finally gotten around to it, because I feel like this needs to be said.

I'm not a liar in the conventional sense, but I have a habit of saying things that are not technically accurate at this precise point in time. Some of you are shaking your heads and saying, "Naamah, that's what a lie is." Others among you are probably nodding and going "Jeez, yeah, I wish more people understood the difference." You both have a point. Let's just say that while I'm trying to do this less, as in never, I still don't regard most of this as lying, and whether or not you want to view that as part of my problem is up to you.

My reaction to growing up around a lot of people I could not trust, not predict, or not understand was to obscure the truth, prevaricate, and lie. About everything, because I could never know which truths would get me in trouble. This applies to spinning fabulous yarns, as well: it's a very effective means of distraction, and of making sure you have control of the conversation. I don't need this reflex any longer, but it's a hard one to un-learn.

I am also chronically evasive about some things. So evasive, in fact, that I cannot even delineate to you what I am evasive about. Hopefully I am good enough at this that you will never notice it.

If I can't remember something precisely, I may make something plausible up. That's also reflexive -- I'm a storyteller by nature. In the words of Chaucer from A Knight's Tale, "I'm a writer. I give the truth scope." If I remember 40% of a story I am telling, I will fill in the missing 60% without a second thought. I don't mess with the important parts, though.

I will also lie or evade or otherwise bend the truth to protect someone else's privacy/secrets/safety, and I err on the side of caution. Mostly, I try to say "I can't answer that, it's not my story to tell," but there are cases in which even admitting that there's a secret to protect would be compromising.

In regard to my own life and history, I have been known to retcon myself. If I wish I had gone ahead and said that witty thing, I may pretend I said it. I'm trying to stop, and none of it is important stuff. I did not delete a boyfriend, a stint in prison, a murder, or a bigfoot sighting. I did not manufacture whole people or pets . . . or bigfoot sightings. The really good stuff and the really bad stuff is all factual. As with The Ghost and the Darkness, all of my most unbelievable stories are true.

I've made a sincere effort to be honest, especially during the last couple of years keeping this journal, but if you are a meatspace friend you should know that a lot of my honesty online comes from being able to choose the where and when of my interactions. Sometimes in real life I get spooked, tired, flustered, or just plain overexcited, and because this is a defense mechanism formed to help me out of exactly those situations, it still happens. I hate that, but it's true.

It's an often hilarious but not necessarily easy thing to live with, knowing that you actually are the unreliable narrator -- sometimes to the point that you don't even realize you're narrating unreliably. My instinct is, of course, to pretend to not be that way. I fib my own unreliability out of existence, sometimes so well that I will swear to people that I am honest and straightforward before I remember that, oh, no, I'm actually not. It's probably annoying, but it's not meant to be malicious.

There is another explanation for the occasional seemingly bizarre or contradictory utterance: I am fucking crazy.

Mixed states, bad depressive episodes, hypomanic states, all do strange things to your sense of time and reality, so I sometimes remember things strangely.

I can often tell you exactly what time it is – Sargon has seen me do this down to the minute – but equally often my sense of what month it is fails completely. Subsequently, I have a very bad sense of time and date. Right now, as I write this, it's 5:30 on September 04th. I think it is 10:53 at night on July 23. July 23, 2007. Just as my dreams are lifelike and occasionally surreal, my life in retrospect seems very dreamlike with intermittent periods of lucidity. I keep a journal partly to help with this; my time sense and memory have not improved since I started to do that, but at least I have a concrete reference that I know is correct because it was written as it happened.

So that's it. All of it. I make shit up, but – perversely – I don't consider myself a liar. I'm getting much better, but these are personality tics that I will probably always have.

There are two major things that I try not to do:

I try not to lie if I believe someone wants an honest opinion about something that is really important to them. I may take a while to answer because I do try to be tactful, but if you want honesty, I will try to provide it.

I try not to lie to people I love to cover up my own wrongdoing. I want to say that I never do that, or never would, but human nature is human nature, and I am what I am. If I ever do that again, I want to be called on it – privately, please, remember I am quite possibly doing it out of fear or confusion – because I've just gone to a bad place that I have tried not to go to for a long time now.

There is a difference between being a person of embellished reality and being unfaithful or untrue in heart to those you respect and love. I am not the latter, and I try pretty damn hard to keep the fact that I'm the former from making me that way.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Gay Apocalypse!)
He's edited his entry and turned off comments. The edit is probably one of the funnier yet simultaneously sad things I've seen on the internet thus far. You should definitely go read it. I lol-ed. For so many reasons, I lol-ed. ETA: He's deleted the original entry.

He's apparently bent out of shape that we weren't arguing the way he would prefer, or kissing up. We're just a bunch of vulgar morons who would rather swear and make love with our faces than engage in some jolly good intellectual debate, by thunder. For shame, all of you, for upsetting this fine man. For shame.

I was willing to let it go, but he threw out a phrase so delightful that I just cannot resist. You see, apparently we are just a bunch of idolaters, bowing down to, and I quote:

The child-eating Moloch of political correctness!





Please, by all means supply your own child-eating Moloch pics in comments. If you can improve on my two-minute Photoshop mashup, feel free.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Gay Apocalypse!)
He's edited his entry and turned off comments. The edit is probably one of the funnier yet simultaneously sad things I've seen on the internet thus far. You should definitely go read it. I lol-ed. For so many reasons, I lol-ed. ETA: He's deleted the original entry.

He's apparently bent out of shape that we weren't arguing the way he would prefer, or kissing up. We're just a bunch of vulgar morons who would rather swear and make love with our faces than engage in some jolly good intellectual debate, by thunder. For shame, all of you, for upsetting this fine man. For shame.

I was willing to let it go, but he threw out a phrase so delightful that I just cannot resist. You see, apparently we are just a bunch of idolaters, bowing down to, and I quote:

The child-eating Moloch of political correctness!





Please, by all means supply your own child-eating Moloch pics in comments. If you can improve on my two-minute Photoshop mashup, feel free.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Gay Agenda)
John C. Wright, aka [livejournal.com profile] johncwright.

It is completely up to you if you want to buy books written by this guy after reading what he thinks about homosexuality.

ETA: he deleted the original entry.

On another note not related to the above in any way, I've got several hardcover books I don't want anymore. The books are in good shape, so I'm trying to think of a meaningful application for them. Like cutting them apart and using them to compose stories about gay perverts fucking. Or should I make them into hollow book boxes to hold my rosary of anal beads and my baby Jesus butt-plug? What do you all think?

In the meantime, I really have to make an appointment to assrape a dead goat with a crucifix strap-on in front of some schoolchildren. Like, soon. I have to commit obscene and corrupting acts or my pervert card lapses and I won't be able to get in on all the good cocaine-fueled mule-fucking pedophilia and abortion parties. I hear Hillary Clinton goes to those, and that she's a real cougar. Grrrowl.

Also, whoever has my homosex indoctrination DVDs? Please send them back if you're done with them. I've been asked to speak at the nearby grade school's recruitment assembly on National Convert a Nubile Youth to Homosexuality Day, and you just can't expect kids to learn about the joys of non-procreative pervsex from books or handouts anymore.

Lazy little shits.

(No trolling. Not that I care if you go into someone else's house and crap on their floor, but it would reflect poorly on me if I sent you over there to do it, so I'm not. I'm just letting you know what he thinks of most of you so that you can decide whether or not to reward him for it by paying attention to his writing. That is all.)
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Gay Agenda)
John C. Wright, aka [livejournal.com profile] johncwright.

It is completely up to you if you want to buy books written by this guy after reading what he thinks about homosexuality.

ETA: he deleted the original entry.

On another note not related to the above in any way, I've got several hardcover books I don't want anymore. The books are in good shape, so I'm trying to think of a meaningful application for them. Like cutting them apart and using them to compose stories about gay perverts fucking. Or should I make them into hollow book boxes to hold my rosary of anal beads and my baby Jesus butt-plug? What do you all think?

In the meantime, I really have to make an appointment to assrape a dead goat with a crucifix strap-on in front of some schoolchildren. Like, soon. I have to commit obscene and corrupting acts or my pervert card lapses and I won't be able to get in on all the good cocaine-fueled mule-fucking pedophilia and abortion parties. I hear Hillary Clinton goes to those, and that she's a real cougar. Grrrowl.

Also, whoever has my homosex indoctrination DVDs? Please send them back if you're done with them. I've been asked to speak at the nearby grade school's recruitment assembly on National Convert a Nubile Youth to Homosexuality Day, and you just can't expect kids to learn about the joys of non-procreative pervsex from books or handouts anymore.

Lazy little shits.

(No trolling. Not that I care if you go into someone else's house and crap on their floor, but it would reflect poorly on me if I sent you over there to do it, so I'm not. I'm just letting you know what he thinks of most of you so that you can decide whether or not to reward him for it by paying attention to his writing. That is all.)
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Wulfenbach)
Wank has exploded on, like, all of the most recent entries in which I state the perfectly obvious.

Some of this has involved trolls, some of it has involved dumbasses, some of it has involved friends attacking friends. Almost all of it has involved people who both have perfectly valid points arguing with one another. Each party then reads the worst of the opposing point of view into the other party's words, and nothing but wank gets made.

I'm sick of this. Not the least because it causes me to lose time I should spend on other things policing a small percentage of y'all.

This is not, primarily, a political journal. This is a personal journal in which I write about things relevant to my interests. As such, all commenters are, essentially, guests in my home. I welcome comments and commenters, I welcome discussion and debate, I even welcome wit and sarcasm and scathing retorts, but I do not welcome drunken brawling in my kitchen.

Rather than kick all y'all out and not allow comments to certain entries, which would be stultifying, or not writing those entries at all, which would be cowardly and counterproductive, I'm instituting a new policy.

This must, sadly, apply to everyone, no matter how much I may cherish you for being a snarky bitch. I strongly dislike doing this. I despise being forced to step in and say to friends that they need to back down. It has, alas, come to that.

Therefore.

Know that I am the sole authority around here. I am a certified dictator. The only rule set in stone is that on this journal, what I say goes. This is my journal, my house, my show. The Morningstar Hall Carnivore Guild Philosophical Salon and Lunar Howling Society is my popsicle stand. I am the alpha and the omega, the first and last word. I decide when and how to apply the rules, and to whom. No list of rules will ever encompass all possible permutations of things that will piss me off. Therefore, the below is not to be considered the final list, but rather, a beginning.

To avoid friends fighting with friends, keep your exchanges civilized. Because I don't expect everyone to know who is a friend or a regular and who is not, and because anyone can occasionally say something right in a wrong way, I am now instituting a version of the three comment rule. Unless the person is a blatant and obvious troll, they get the benefit of the doubt. I'm sick of perfectly wonderful people getting taken apart at the seams by other perfectly wonderful people because of a misunderstanding or minor disagreement. Misdirected wank does nothing to encourage other people to comment, and has been destructive to conversation as a whole.

Don't make it personal. Disagreement and debate are fine. If it degenerates into personal insults and attacks, I will issue warnings, freeze threads, and ban, in that order. Yes. Even if you are my friend, and even if I haven't minded it until now. Sorry.

Ranting and swearing about things in comments here is fine. I do it in my posts all the time. Swearing at people, not just around them, is not okay. You may ask me or other commenters not to attack you personally. You may not tell me or anyone else not to swear at all, and if you're offended by being sworn near, and not at, tough fucking shit. We do not subscribe to bullshit notions of who may and may not employ foul language. More on that in a separate post. That said . . .

Watch it with racist or sexist language. That's got nothing to do with swearing, and everything to do with not feeding into negative cultural ideas about gender and race. If someone says something that pisses you off in this way, let them know about it politely. If someone calls you on it, respond politely. When in doubt, politely state your stance and let it go. I am personally pretty soft on this, but if I step in and say it pisses me off, don't do it again (see rule #1 above).

Off-topic discussions are tolerated at my sufferance. It's important to talk about related issues or raise issues of relevance for discussion, and I'm fine with that provided you do so in good faith and do so in an appropriate and civilized way. If I deem a discussion off-topic, not constructive, or actively damaging, I will close it and I will freeze or screen the thread if I feel I have to. There is a difference between raising off-topic issues for discussion and actually derailing a conversation. In my space, my judgment as to what constitutes discussion and what constitutes derailment prevails.

It is not my job to educate you. I'm okay with a certain amount of that. It's why I write some of the things I do. That said, if your arguments or questions are covered under Feminism 101, I and other commenters may not elect to continue the conversation and instead link you to relevant information. It is not my duty to educate anyone else so that they can participate in the conversation on an informed level; it is their duty to be informed before they join the conversation. I do not want to have the same conversation over and over before I can carry on the conversations I wish to have.

Commenting is a privilege, not a right. If a person disagrees with me or my other commenters, it is their duty to disagree in a civilized fashion, with the awareness that I do not have to provide an outlet for their opinions. I am doing so as a courtesy to a guest.

I bear no ill will toward anyone, none whatsoever. I do not intend to hold actions taken before this announcement against anyone when arbitrating future disputes. Y'all have been granted a pardon for that.

From here out, though, sorry, but it's going to have to be different for a while. I know it's not what you're used to from me, and again, I hate doing it. It is, however, how it's going to have to be.

The vast majority of my commenters are perfectly wonderful people, and this won't change a thing for you. Some of you are perfectly wonderful people who get riled easily, and tend to let both barrels go on a hair trigger. That's fine, I understand that, and I hope you will always be there to put the railspikes to whoever really deserves it, but it's getting pretty difficult to swing a cat in here without hitting wank. My time and patience are pretty limited right now, so if we could keep that to a minimum, using the above as a guideline, that would be great.

To paraphrase Lucian, you're acting like a pack of rabid dogs, and that simply will not do. Put some clothes on, would you?

Link.
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Wulfenbach)
Wank has exploded on, like, all of the most recent entries in which I state the perfectly obvious.

Some of this has involved trolls, some of it has involved dumbasses, some of it has involved friends attacking friends. Almost all of it has involved people who both have perfectly valid points arguing with one another. Each party then reads the worst of the opposing point of view into the other party's words, and nothing but wank gets made.

I'm sick of this. Not the least because it causes me to lose time I should spend on other things policing a small percentage of y'all.

This is not, primarily, a political journal. This is a personal journal in which I write about things relevant to my interests. As such, all commenters are, essentially, guests in my home. I welcome comments and commenters, I welcome discussion and debate, I even welcome wit and sarcasm and scathing retorts, but I do not welcome drunken brawling in my kitchen.

Rather than kick all y'all out and not allow comments to certain entries, which would be stultifying, or not writing those entries at all, which would be cowardly and counterproductive, I'm instituting a new policy.

This must, sadly, apply to everyone, no matter how much I may cherish you for being a snarky bitch. I strongly dislike doing this. I despise being forced to step in and say to friends that they need to back down. It has, alas, come to that.

Therefore.

Know that I am the sole authority around here. I am a certified dictator. The only rule set in stone is that on this journal, what I say goes. This is my journal, my house, my show. The Morningstar Hall Carnivore Guild Philosophical Salon and Lunar Howling Society is my popsicle stand. I am the alpha and the omega, the first and last word. I decide when and how to apply the rules, and to whom. No list of rules will ever encompass all possible permutations of things that will piss me off. Therefore, the below is not to be considered the final list, but rather, a beginning.

To avoid friends fighting with friends, keep your exchanges civilized. Because I don't expect everyone to know who is a friend or a regular and who is not, and because anyone can occasionally say something right in a wrong way, I am now instituting a version of the three comment rule. Unless the person is a blatant and obvious troll, they get the benefit of the doubt. I'm sick of perfectly wonderful people getting taken apart at the seams by other perfectly wonderful people because of a misunderstanding or minor disagreement. Misdirected wank does nothing to encourage other people to comment, and has been destructive to conversation as a whole.

Don't make it personal. Disagreement and debate are fine. If it degenerates into personal insults and attacks, I will issue warnings, freeze threads, and ban, in that order. Yes. Even if you are my friend, and even if I haven't minded it until now. Sorry.

Ranting and swearing about things in comments here is fine. I do it in my posts all the time. Swearing at people, not just around them, is not okay. You may ask me or other commenters not to attack you personally. You may not tell me or anyone else not to swear at all, and if you're offended by being sworn near, and not at, tough fucking shit. We do not subscribe to bullshit notions of who may and may not employ foul language. More on that in a separate post. That said . . .

Watch it with racist or sexist language. That's got nothing to do with swearing, and everything to do with not feeding into negative cultural ideas about gender and race. If someone says something that pisses you off in this way, let them know about it politely. If someone calls you on it, respond politely. When in doubt, politely state your stance and let it go. I am personally pretty soft on this, but if I step in and say it pisses me off, don't do it again (see rule #1 above).

Off-topic discussions are tolerated at my sufferance. It's important to talk about related issues or raise issues of relevance for discussion, and I'm fine with that provided you do so in good faith and do so in an appropriate and civilized way. If I deem a discussion off-topic, not constructive, or actively damaging, I will close it and I will freeze or screen the thread if I feel I have to. There is a difference between raising off-topic issues for discussion and actually derailing a conversation. In my space, my judgment as to what constitutes discussion and what constitutes derailment prevails.

It is not my job to educate you. I'm okay with a certain amount of that. It's why I write some of the things I do. That said, if your arguments or questions are covered under Feminism 101, I and other commenters may not elect to continue the conversation and instead link you to relevant information. It is not my duty to educate anyone else so that they can participate in the conversation on an informed level; it is their duty to be informed before they join the conversation. I do not want to have the same conversation over and over before I can carry on the conversations I wish to have.

Commenting is a privilege, not a right. If a person disagrees with me or my other commenters, it is their duty to disagree in a civilized fashion, with the awareness that I do not have to provide an outlet for their opinions. I am doing so as a courtesy to a guest.

I bear no ill will toward anyone, none whatsoever. I do not intend to hold actions taken before this announcement against anyone when arbitrating future disputes. Y'all have been granted a pardon for that.

From here out, though, sorry, but it's going to have to be different for a while. I know it's not what you're used to from me, and again, I hate doing it. It is, however, how it's going to have to be.

The vast majority of my commenters are perfectly wonderful people, and this won't change a thing for you. Some of you are perfectly wonderful people who get riled easily, and tend to let both barrels go on a hair trigger. That's fine, I understand that, and I hope you will always be there to put the railspikes to whoever really deserves it, but it's getting pretty difficult to swing a cat in here without hitting wank. My time and patience are pretty limited right now, so if we could keep that to a minimum, using the above as a guideline, that would be great.

To paraphrase Lucian, you're acting like a pack of rabid dogs, and that simply will not do. Put some clothes on, would you?

Link.

Profile

naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
naamah_darling

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
2324 2526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 27th, 2017 10:11 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios