naamah_darling: A tiny week-old tabby kitten with her paws raised and her eyes half-closed. (Kittens)
There's things that are so, so wrong right now.  There's bad news, and I'm scared and hurting and pretty soon here I'm going to ask you guys for some help, but.

There's also this:

I have a girlfriend.

Like, apparently have had for a while?  I just haven't known what to do with it.  I knew where she stood on the matter, but I had to sniff around and dither and fuss for a while.  I mean, shit in my life is complicated enough without me dragging some innocent person into it.  And I have a hard enough time knowing what the fuck I am feeling when my brain is twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag, and I have a hard enough time knowing what is going on when my life is more complicated than is at all reasonable.  But we finally agreed it was stupid not to acknowledge it for what it was when total strangers were commenting on it within moments of seeing us together.  So, day before yesterday it became official.

Now I'm sitting here wondering what to do.  I'm not good at this.  But I'm happy that I have her.  And the time I spend with her is pretty fucking magical.  We took a short little trip together and the world laid aside every single one of its grudges and worked a hundred tiny miracles for us, from unexpected horses to corpse plants in unlikely places, and the amazingness of it hasn't really stopped.

I'm a better person, a stronger person, and I'm less afraid when I'm with her.  Difficult things are easy with her.

I'm scared out of my mind in so many ways -- mostly scared that I might fuck up and hurt her -- but . . . this is pretty amazing, and it's totally unexpected and unlooked-for, and . . . I'll be damned if I don't try to give it a chance.

So, you know, I just thought I should throw that out there so that when I talk about my girlfriend you won't be confused, wondering when that happened.  People get girlfriends all the time, so technically this isn't earth-shaking, except for the part where I've literally never dated anyone but Sargon.  So yeah, it's kind of a big deal.  (Sargon knows and is fine with all this, and has been nothing but lovely and supportive.)

I don't know what the fuck is going to happen, but I'm going to try to enjoy getting there.


naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)

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