naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
naamah_darling ([personal profile] naamah_darling) wrote2017-01-26 11:07 pm

(no subject)

The muscle twitches seem to have mostly stopped.  I think it was related to some medication stuff.  I need to talk about that with a professional, but I don't have one.

My sleep schedule is completely flipped around.  I'm sleeping from around one in the afternoon to nine or ten at night.

I'm clearly in some sort of mixed state.

I've got an appointment to see someone on the sixth, at a new psych place.  I think they're just an NP, even though I really need to be working with someone further up the chain.  I don't expect this visit will do any good whatsoever.  I know how this shit works.  I'll try to explain myself, they'll recommend something that doesn't help because they always wanna start where they wanna start, and actually really listening to me and working with me is too much work.  I have to prove that I know what I'm talking about by doing what they tell me to do and proving them wrong before they will listen to me.  If they will listen to me.  Some never do.

It's exhausting.  It's always like this.  If I'm lucky, I'll be able to get them to listen to me next time, or the time after.

The psych at the place I get my therapy is a complete dud; condescending, dismissive, useless.  The psych I had before, at the other therapy place, was even worse.  I'm hoping this will be better, but I don't really have hope.  If that makes sense.

I just want my old GP back.  She had her shit together, we understood each other.  She listened.  But Medicaid had to be the shitshow that it is and now I can't see her anymore.

It's been about a year and I still haven't caught up to where I was.  I still don't have a doctor I trust, or a psych I trust.  And it's not for lack of trying.  Just . . . the low-cost clinic I was at was utter garbage, and the family clinic that runs out of Planned Parenthood that I currently go to is overcrowded, understaffed, in imminent danger of closing, and impossible to call directly (you have to go through a call center to get routed there, which can take only five or ten minutes, but often takes half an hour.

I am still so unspeakably angry they pushed me away from a doctor I had a good relationship with and could trust, as well as reach quite easily if I needed to.