naamah_darling: The Punisher skull with a red ribbon barrette. (Punisher Ribbon)
[personal profile] naamah_darling
I just wanna rant for a minute here.

So, what with the whole kerfuffle about Papa John's and Hostess and, a while back, Chik-Fil-A, there's been a lot of food-related assholery going around. Corporate douchebags doing what they do best: acting like total pricks.

And people justifiably protesting this stuff are becoming part of a different problem: food-shaming. Y'all, I can barely read a Facebook post or a Tumblr reblog or comments to something on LJ that doesn't eventually – or immediately – degenerate into food shaming. Which rapidly degenerates into body shaming.

"OMG that stuff is disgusting/bad for you/why Baby Jesus cried." "You shouldn't eat that crap anyway! You should eat healthier!" "That stuff contains pellets of arsenic/baby brains/cat poop dirt from an old woman's garden!" "Why don't you just cook? It's easier/better/healthier/cheaper/more fun to make your own!" "It makes you fat anyhow. Calories calories fat fat fat OMFG CANCER." "Maybe Americans wouldn't be so fat and unhealthy if they quit eating this stuff anyway. CHILDHOOD OBESITY EPIDEMIC! TAXPAYER MONEY! LARD-RELATED FINANCIAL RUIN!" And so on.

Can we not? Can we just . . . not? Okay? Because people are gonna eat what people are gonna eat, and I don't think that anyone is laboring under the misconception that Twinkies, Ding Dongs, chicken nuggets fried in crack, and that delicious cinnamon dessert pizza is good for us on a nutritional level. I mean, maybe there are some benighted souls who have not yet been exposed to enough health fearmongering that they aren't yet aware that eating anything but fat-free organic produce watered with unicorn tears, fertilized with fairy dust, and picked fresh by virgins bathed daily in the milk of flying white horses will make them fat and then kill them. But odds are, you are not friends with them on Facebook, Livejournal, Tumblr, or anywhere else. Odds are, they cannot read. And frankly, I think we should leave them comfortably languishing in ignorance for as long as possible, because honestly, that fearmongering hateful bullshit is far more harmful than a handful of Little Debbies.

So on a bigger level, just don't give people shit for eating "unhealthy" food.

Food deserts are real. I once lived in a neighborhood where the nearest supermarket with produce was . . . Jesus . . . six, seven miles away? Across a huge highway, through a series of really, really bad neighborhoods. You could not walk there. Bus routes in this city are a joke, and buses stop running at night, so you're fucked anyway if you have a job with weird hours. Not everyone can bike, or hike, especially in the boiling heat or deathly cold, which describes Oklahoma nine months out of the year, or if they have allergies, which is a problem for about the same amount of time. Or if they have small children.

Some stores have horrible food, period. The nearest store to us has a produce section. The stuff I bring home from it sometimes goes bad within hours of coming in the door. I should take a camera down there and just take a picture of the apples, then do the same for the apples at the good store, across the river where the rich people live. Sure, the apples at the "good" place are sometimes second-rate. But the apples at the Poverty Mart a mile away are bruised, dented, mushy, puckered, have slashes in them, are misshapen and often really small, or they are just plain unripe and give me the shits. Sometimes they are unripe AND bruised and mushy. It's fucked. They are certainly not organic -- not that I care, although I've had people hollering down my neck that I should for many years now. But the shitty apples are cheap. So I eat them if that's all we can afford that week. Unless they are unripe. Then I have some cookies. The broccoli at that place sometimes bends almost 90 degrees before it snaps. The carrots are leathery. The lettuce is all iceberg, and it's sweet because it's already going over. Berries? They have 'em, but they are fuckass expensive. I don't know if they're good, I can't afford to try them. Stores in poor areas get horrible produce. Rich people who shop at high-line stores don't realize this, I think, or they don't realize the scope of the problem, but it's true.

Don't start with me on farmer's markets. Don't. It's not happening. Too much walking, too many people, incompatible hours, too much being out of the house, too much of an anxiety disorder.

I realize this is sometimes super-hard for people who love cooking to grok, but some folks hate cooking. I mean, it makes us miserable to do it, actually sad. Some of us can't handle doing it every day. Some of us don't have the fridge space to store adequate fresh food, or frozen pre-made healthy meals. Some of us don't have fridges that work at all. Some of us have no kitchen space to prepare food. Some of us would rather spend time doing other stuff than cooking. Some of us have no time to prepare or plan meals. Or we don't have the mental or emotional energy to do it. Sometimes, on a party day or game day, you don't want to have to cook, because you've got nine other things going on and you're doing them all with one hand.

Some of us don't know how to cook. "It's not hard" doesn't help anyone; unless you are willing to come and teach in person, or offer detailed advice, don't go there. I appreciate that some people like it, and that it's easier than it looks, but I'm not learning before I am ready, period, thanks. And I won't be ready until I am not so fucking tired and batshit crazy that I'll often wait three hours to take my meds in the morning because I am too fucked to get up and get a drink of goddamn water because the cats knocked over the one I leave standing next to my meds basket.

Grow your own? I'd LOVE to have a garden, but that is not happening. I'm sun-sensitive, I have allergies, I don't have the energy for upkeep, let alone getting it started.

Some of us like shitty food. We find it comforting. It's filling. It's satisfying. It's sweet. It's got that slippery mouth-feel from all the fat that people love to scream and shit themselves about. It's crappy in a way that a lot of folks find enjoyable. And those are all legitimate things to like about things like Twinkies and those "chocolate" donuts that taste like candle wax and sweetened paper pulp. Yes, other foods are satisfying and happy-making as well, but, oh, hey, I just got a bulletin from Under A Rock University's Center for the Study of Really Obvious Things:


Some of us don't do our own shopping. Some of us don't have time or energy to argue with the other people in the household about what gets bought. That sounds lazy, like a cop-out, but it's not. When you live a rough life, and you don't have many emotional resources, and you live with people with totally different food tastes than yours, sometimes it's easier – and cheaper – to compromise and get the fucking Little Debbies that you both like, rather than get more expensive stuff for two people.

Some of us genuinely, for-real, put our "health" second, behind our emotional well-being. The fact that people get all het up about physical health, and think that emotional health should come second, is a seriously fucked-up manifestation of ableism, and a seriously fucked-up manifestation of just how deeply we equate "healthy" with "looking fuckable" (i.e. thin). If you start up with that shit to my face, it makes me want to puke Twinkie goo all over your sandals. Food, and how we acquire, prepare, store, and eat it, is actually a huge part of our emotional well-being. As far as I am concerned, my mental health is all I have, because if I lose the delicate balance on that, then I commit suicide, and if I do that, all those petty concerns about trans fats and empty calories and just have a fucking celery stick and some peanut butter go straight out the window. Giving me hack about how/what I eat? Not cool. At all. Because it is basically attacking my coping mechanisms and how I administer emotional care to myself. Do I have to explain, really, how not-okay that is?

As a sub-point of the above, some of us are recovering from ugly food issues. Shut up about us eating Twinkies. There was a time when I was so mentally fucked I would have had a breakdown if you'd made me eat one. The fact that I can eat them without blinking now is a fucking victory, fuck you. They are little golden trophies of I AM NOT STARVING MYSELF ANYMORE. Every bite is a raised middle finger to that skinny cunt inside me who WANTED ME TO KILL MYSELF because I was so fat I deserved it. So, you know, leave off.

And, finally, anyone who resorts to fat-shaming on the topic needs to have their head surgically extracted from their rectal cavity before they asphyxiate.

You may have YOUR reasons for not eating that stuff, and that's actually cool. I'm down with that. But don't you give people shit about THEIR reasons for eating it. You are not them. You do not know their deal. And even if they are a lazy-ass slovenly bastard who is too stupid not to be fat, or whatever dumb-shit thing you are thinking, that is none of your business, either. You can't shame someone out of being unhealthy, unsightly, or just generally not to your liking. Shocking, I know, but it's true. Otherwise, I would be a very different and much less entertaining person. Or I wouldn't exist. I can't quite tell. And pardon me, but I think that not having me in it would actually make the world a worse place. Not by much, maybe, but I do good things for people and animals, I make my friends laugh, I help people find things in the craft store I don't even work at, and I sometimes tell people they look beautiful if it seems unlikely to me that they realize it.

Also, don't fucking let these corporate assholes off the hook. At all. Okay? They are greedy shitheads. We don't need to talk about how shitty the food is, or how bad it is for you. That's shifting the point. We need to focus on their behavior, because they are slime-sucking bastards. It wouldn't make a fucking difference if they were purveying five-star cuisine made of stardust and unicorn butter. They would still be pricks.

So hold them accountable for that. Don't slag off the food choices people make. It's fucking annoying, and missing the point.

Here endeth the lesson.
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Date: 2012-12-08 05:05 pm (UTC)
eldriwolf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] eldriwolf
Thank You! This is an awesome rant

Date: 2012-12-08 05:43 pm (UTC)
jackandahat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jackandahat
This, this this. Unless I stole it off your plate then what I have for dinner is not your business.

Also - "We don't need to talk about how shitty the food is"

I've noticed this thing where if someone (person or company) does something bad, then everything they've ever done must be disavowed. I snarked it on Twitter the other day - the guy from The Oatmeal made a rape joke and suddenly people I knew damn well had been linking him and praising his wit just last week were going on about how they never liked him, his comics are crap and he was never even funny.

I think it's the idea that if you've ever enjoyed anything which later turned out to be bad, you're an awful person. Which is bullshit. I liked Papa Johns' pizza. I won't be buying any more of it because I don't want my money going to them, but I've enjoyed what they sell and I don't see the point in lying about that.
Edited (Another point.) Date: 2012-12-08 05:54 pm (UTC)

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Date: 2012-12-08 06:00 pm (UTC)
shadowcat: ([Pagan] Ma'at And Her Scales)
From: [personal profile] shadowcat
Put so much better than I ever can. <3

Date: 2012-12-08 07:34 pm (UTC)
lovepeaceohana: A tilted artist's rendition of a clear blue ocean with sky and clouds above; text reads "now bring me that horizon..." (Default)
From: [personal profile] lovepeaceohana
I mean, maybe there are some benighted souls who have not yet been exposed to enough health fearmongering that they aren't yet aware that eating anything but fat-free organic produce watered with unicorn tears, fertilized with fairy dust, and picked fresh by virgins bathed daily in the milk of flying white horses will make them fat and then kill them.

Gods, you're the best. This part made me nearly spit coffee through my nose.

Date: 2012-12-08 08:00 pm (UTC)
stormerider: (Default)
From: [personal profile] stormerider

Date: 2012-12-09 02:52 am (UTC)
elf: Turtle with raspberry (Turtle foodie)
From: [personal profile] elf
Glorious rant! Sing it!

"Why don't you just cook? It's easier/better/healthier/cheaper/more fun to make your own!"

It is almost always healthier. It is, ostensibly, by many standards, "better." It is not cheaper, easier or more fun... and when you're below a certain income level, those three trump the hell out of a few dozen calories and cholesterol ratings.

I am a serious non-foodie. My husband loves food, loves cooking, loves learning about new foods (at this point, damnfew foods he encounters are new to him), loves cooking shows and recipes and experimental stuffs-to-do-with-foods.

If I could take a pill every morning and NEVER EAT AGAIN, I'd do that. This drives him to despair. I enjoy cooking shows the way most people seem to like sports... I have a great time watching Other People Doing Fascinating Stuff; I have no interest in doing it myself.

I've considered trying to put together a recipe book/blog/etc. of Cooking Tips and Recipes For People Who Hate Dealing With Food. (And also, for people whose food options are fucking limited, because "farmer's market somewhere in your county once a week" is not the same as "access to fresh organic produce.")

A food-version of [community profile] bitesizedcleaning. No pressures, no assumption that if you learn the Seven Basic Tricks, you will suddenly become an Iron Chef contender.

Date: 2012-12-09 05:00 am (UTC)
marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)
From: [personal profile] marahmarie
It is not cheaper

Agreed...(I cook almost everything I eat from scratch or near-scratch almost every day of my life so I can attest to the fact that food is killing me and probably many others scratching around for basic nutrition lately - I spend buttloads of money on even the most basic things)

easier, prep and cleanup are all hell on wheels time-wise if you're as deep into it as I am. I spend hours just doing dishes most days. Hours shopping and prepping most weeks...but cooking itself usually goes a lot faster. I'm somewhere between a regular and short order cook in terms of speed, which I guess helps...

or more fun.

Well, that's my weakness: I do all this because the cooking part is the part I love, because it's like getting out of myself for a while and creating something that no one but me and perhaps a few other stomachs can judge on nothing but its actual merits. There's an honesty to it, in that each meal is simply going to work or not, that I just can't get over...

But other than that, yeah, what it takes to get cooking and to clean up afterward is admittedly mostly hell on wheels. Sometimes I'm jealous of most people I've ever known people who can just eat whatever and honestly enjoy it as much as I usually enjoy whatever I eat...
Edited Date: 2012-12-09 05:01 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-12-09 04:31 am (UTC)
marahmarie: my initials (MM) (Default)
From: [personal profile] marahmarie
chicken nuggets fried in crack

*rolls on the floor laughing*

Seriously, here in the South? We fry everything in crack. Ice cream, candy bars, ham and cheese sandwiches, oatmeal, dog food, cotton candy, you name it. Which is one reason 1) I don't usually eat the shit we serve down here and 2) I really fucking enjoy it when I do.

Excellent post! Live and let eat. :)
Edited Date: 2012-12-09 04:31 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-12-09 05:56 pm (UTC)
ilyena_sylph: Columbia (female US personification) turning away from Sam sadly (Uncle Sam: Columbia)
From: [personal profile] ilyena_sylph
Thank you.


Date: 2012-12-09 06:53 pm (UTC)
missatomicbomb: (Default)
From: [personal profile] missatomicbomb
Amen! I despise people who spout their opinions from the top of their ivory tower of privilege.

Other people have outlined everything better than I could, but I agree! Cooking at home is neither cheaper nor "fun." I've been Going Through Things in the last few weeks and have only just emerged from a muddy haze of despair. In the last two months I cooked *maybe* two meals at home. I've just been too tired to deal with shopping, prep, clean-up...the cooking and eating part IS the fun part. It's the rest of the sodding process that throws people off. And that's not even touching the people who can't even come to a place of having the option to shop! My husband is bipolar (he reads your essays often and tells me that he sees a lot of himself in what you write) and I suffer from...something. We're not sure what, yet. If we didn't have each other, we'd hide in our respective holes in the ground and exist off of ramen (him) and shells-n-cheese (me). Sometimes we do that anyway, because my job drains so much of my soul that I cannot be arsed to deal with the entire process.

People suck. They might be happier if they had a little frosted cake with cream filling or some crack!chicken :D

Date: 2012-12-19 08:04 pm (UTC)
lunarwolfik: (DW - Doctor & Amy - Boop!)
From: [personal profile] lunarwolfik
Yes to all of this. You make a LOT of good points and there's a LOT of work do be done in order to fix this mess. Work that probably won't happen. Because most of the time people don't even realize such a thing IS happening in the first place.

Date: 2012-12-08 05:02 pm (UTC)
ashbet: (Bastian 4)
From: [personal profile] ashbet
*wild applause* DAMN STRAIGHT.

One suggestion -- I have the same problem with cats knocking over cups of water (and/or STICKING THEIR POINTY LITTLE HEADS IN TO DRINK OUT OF THEM, I am LOOKING AT YOU, Bastian!!), and I've found that it works to keep a bottle of water on my bedside table instead. I just buy one bottle of water, and then re-fill the bottle from the tap until the bottle finally gives up the ghost in a month or so, at which point I'll buy another bottle of water. Having a LID on it helps a lot!


-- A <3

Date: 2012-12-08 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so torn! Because I can use bottles, but the Very Old Cat has issues with the Asshole Cats who like to "play with her" when she tries to drink in the kitchen. And she's nervous anyway, so she just runs. So I let her drink from my cup. She's fantastic and never tips it. SMOOCH on the other hand, knocks it over EVERY TIME.

I figure I can deal with a damp arm of the couch, if this is the only way Sif will drink. She's Very Old, so it won't be trouble much longer, and I'll miss it someday, so . . . .

Now, in the bedroom? By the bed? I KEEP A BOTTLE. *lol* (Until I lose it, and have to wait to remember to save another one. But I try.)

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Date: 2012-12-08 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Permission to link?

"Some of us like shitty food. We find it comforting. It's filling. It's satisfying. It's sweet. It's got that slippery mouth-feel from all the fat that people love to scream and shit themselves about."

I know I've said this before, but we humans have these three little light bulbs that go off in our heads when we eat certain foods, labeled "salt," "fat," and "carbs." For most of human history, these little light bulbs have kept us alive, and it's pretty stupid that people insist that "willpower" is all it takes to resist food that is increasingly engineered to flash all three of these lights.

Also, have you seen Satter's Hierarchy of Food Needs? Put simply, if you're in a food desert, you're struggling to make the more basic needs, let alone the instrumental ones.

And in lighter news and only tangentially related, because you need to see this if you haven't already, have a fat woman who's an excellent dancer.

PS: I know I speak a lot of shit about certain corporations that put out crap food. It's probably been years since I've called McShithole's by their legal name. There is a line between attacking the corporations that put that stuff out and attacking the people who eat it, and I hope that it's clear which side of that line I'm on.

Date: 2012-12-08 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love your final point. I try to limit myself to "I don't like their politics, or their food, and I hope people will go with other options if they have them" and leave it at that. But it's not my place to tell people what they should eat. Lord knows, I hate it when people try to do that to me.

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Date: 2012-12-08 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Mmmmm. Candle wax chocolate donuts. I like those.

Date: 2012-12-08 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]



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Date: 2012-12-08 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Bacon Cheeseburger with fries and a Coke, with a shake or frosty to chase it with. Butterscotch Krimpets. Fruity Pebbles cereal. Cookies and Cream ice cream.. I have no idea what you are talking about whatsoever.. nope! none, at all. *shiftyeyes*

Date: 2012-12-08 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love to dip my friends in a vanilla shake and then eat them slowly.


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Date: 2012-12-08 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Loving you SO MUCH right now.


Date: 2012-12-08 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
sorry, but your excuses don't let you off the hook. if you can't get to the "good" store, surely you know at least one person with a car who is willing to take you shopping. or even go shopping for you.


Date: 2012-12-08 06:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Really? Really??!
Will said friend also have the money to buy the fruit & veg? And the time to prepare and cook it? And be liking to donate gas money? And fit in with naamah's schedule? Do you do this for a friend in need? Do you magically know Naamah's life better than she does?

Your comment is part of the problem. NO-one gets to judge someone else's living situation, finances, shopping, FOOD. None of your business, none of mine, none of anyone else's. Period.

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Date: 2012-12-08 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Has anyone every complained to the produce department about their offerings? While I'm all for eating what's cheap/on sale/a bargain, I also know that ranting to the right people can get some changes made. Hell, a few cell phone pics forwarded to the corporate HQ could do a hell of a lot for improving your produce section.

As for the rest of your rant, live and let live, yeah. I don't want to ever tell anyone what to eat and what not to eat based on the food itself but as for the politics of the companies, that's another matter. I will definitely let my politics clash with theirs anytime.

Date: 2012-12-08 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I only recently discovered the concept of food deserts. As far as I can tell, New Zealand doesn't have that particular issue to contend with. I was genuinely astonished.

I have a whole buncha privileges - mental health pretty reasonable, decent income, blah blah - plus I love to cook. And even then, we have nights where the only option is "fuckit, pizza". People really need to get their collective heads out of their asses and deal with the real issues, not the symptoms.

(Deleted a blank comment too, lj being weird at me.)
Edited Date: 2012-12-08 07:07 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-12-08 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Excellently put.

I'm into cooking, I have a steady job with reasonable hours, I don't have kids and I don't have serious limiting health issues (any more), I love trying out recipes, I have excellent fresh food shops within walking distance, I have basic but adequate facilities to cook and store and I can easily acquire just about anything I need for any particular dish. And all it takes is getting home a bit late one day, or feeling a bit ill or run down, and I am reaching for the chocolate and the delivery menu. (Like, oh, right now.) If I had to contend with even a fraction of what some people do every day, all the good intentions would go out the window and no amount of outside sanctimony would affect that. I'm lucky, and that's all.

Date: 2012-12-11 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I'm not in a food desert- we have a couple of excellent and reasonably-prices supermarkets pretty close- one's even within walking distance (LONG walking distance), if I were up to walking that far. Plus there's a couple of smaller ones even closer- they're mainly butcher shops, but have basic groceries too.

And I am REALLY VERY LUCKY that way.

I am especially lucky to have a husband who is willing to do the grocery shopping most every week. I do the planning, the list-making, and most of the cooking; he does the foraging. :)

And still- every couple of weeks we do take-out, and rather more often than that I have to FORCE myself into the kitchen... and I LIKE to cook!

The only people I'm judging here are the assholes who make cheap crap the ONLY affordable, accessible food that too many people can get.

Date: 2012-12-08 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I get so fucking sick of hearing about obeeeeeeesity and "for the children", and how everyone is just oh so concerned for my health. Guess what? Some of that "healthy" food, like celery, I'm allergic to. I *like* iceberg lettuce, not the yupscale stuff that's supposedly oh so good for you, but looks like weeds.

I live in what was a food desert, with only a mexican market (it's food goes bad within 2 days), mini-marts and liquor stores. Within the last six months an affordable grocery store, Grocery Outlet opened up 6 blocks away. Yeah, they deal seconds, but good, cheap seconds. The "downtown" Safeway is small and yuppie, and has only a slightly better selection than a minimart plus a liquor store.

Those restaurants? They piss me off. They jack with their workers, use cheaper ingredients (I react badly to soybean oil), and whine about obamacare asking them to fund healthcare for their employees. Boo-fucking-hoo. Like Walmart, they *use* the poor, string them along with piddly part-time work without benefits, and use the taxpayer to subsidize their profits by paying for food stamps and health care for their workers.

Date: 2012-12-08 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well said.

And it applies in reverse too - I am as sick of 'vegitarian/vegan vs. the world wars' as I am the "bad food bashing". Food/lifestyle bashing doesn't change opinions, it pisses people off. Sure, sometimes there are 'short term gains', though I'm not real fond of some of the 'fad' legislation out there trying to force people into lifestyle choices.

Seriously, it isn't that hard to 'educate' and express ones opinion/preferences etc. without being a total asshat ...

Hopefully you won't mind my linking this post to a few folks who I HOPE will read and understand the point.

Date: 2012-12-08 07:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh. God.

You know, I don't feel like I can weigh on on the vegan/vegetarian thing, because honestly, I've been lucky enough to never have experienced assholery on that count once I got out of junior high. I think that, right there, is the only statement about it I can make, or NEED to make. Junior high, people. I'd love to learn more about vegetarian meals . . . WHEN I am ready, which is not yet. When I am I will ask one of my wonderful veggie friends. I've got it covered, folks. Seriously. Let's just shake hands and agree to be cool with each other.

Link it!

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Date: 2012-12-08 08:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Since I can't reply in-thread...

Of course I keep my head out of my ass. I have to. If I tried to do squats with my head up my ass, I'd snap my damn fool neck. ;)

Date: 2012-12-25 05:36 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
That would actually make a damn cool bit of artwork, if someone were of a mind to attempt it. Of a person attempting to do a squat with their head up their ass, I mean. Not necessarily YOU with YOUR head up YOUR ass. Or even the neck-snapping bit.

Date: 2012-12-08 08:22 pm (UTC)
ext_41593: (bheart)
From: [identity profile]
I love you. Let's go out for cheeseburgers, okay?

Date: 2012-12-08 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh my god. My mom came to my therapy appointment today and we ended up talking about this, and her concern that I'm going to die of OMGDEATHFATS, that when she and my stepdad look at me they imagine me being 700 pounds and disabled and THAT ISN'T HEALTHY YOU CAN'T TELL ME IT IS and that Health at Every Size is a crock because how can I be healthy if I don't eat the best food all the time or join a gym?

This is everything I wanted to tell her but was too busy sobbing to say. She says I always have excuses but I AM broke. I can't afford fresh produce. I can't deal with cooking all the time. I can't deal with being harassed for my weight everywhere I go or for the choices I make.

Can I share this with her?

Date: 2012-12-08 11:17 pm (UTC)
ashbet: (Winterheart)
From: [personal profile] ashbet
Out of curiosity, did your therapist say anything? Because that sounds like an ideal opportunity for her/him to have intervened . . .

I am sorry you're being treated this way -- you have my sympathy/empathy, because my mother does the same shit, and both my daughter and I *are* physically disabled (because of a genetic disorder, not TEH OMGDEATHFATS), but my mother feels the need to tell us that we "need to be more active" and "we should really lose a few pounds" and so on.

Yeah, Mom -- try losing weight when you have a condition that affects your joints, ligaments, spine, stomach, brain, nerves, and heart . . . especially when one of the few meds that helps also has weight gain as a known side effect.

I did tell her, some years ago, that if she EVER tried saying shit like that to my child, she was cut off. She still says it to me, and ABOUT Kira, but she at least mostly keeps her mouth shut about weight (although she dog-whistles it by talking about exercise/food choices) when Kira is around, thankfully. Still, I'm pissed-off that I have to deal with this on top of already being sick, you know?


-- A <3

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2012-12-08 11:49 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [personal profile] ashbet - Date: 2012-12-09 12:02 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2012-12-09 05:02 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2012-12-08 09:35 pm (UTC)
metalfatigue: (dead STOP end)
From: [personal profile] metalfatigue
My mother bought herself a nice spill-proof aluminum water bottle the right size for a few swallows to take meds with, to keep next to her meds for the morning. If I had the money I'd buy one for myself and send one to you for Yuletide/whatever, because waiting three hours to take your meds is NOT COOL but sometimes hard to avoid.

(Right now I avoid it—most of the time—by taking a bottle of diet ginger ale to bed with me for the morning. Expensive, but I don't pay for the groceries in this house, thank Ghu.)
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